Advice To Aspiring Writers

No! Seriously, you do not want to become a writer. Writing is hard work without any earning, only learning, learning, and yearning. Behind your back, your friends will call you lazy, or good-for-nothing, or a loser. I suggest you concentrate on your day job. Besides, there is nothing in the world left for you to write about.

Can creative writing be taught? It's complicated.

 Illustration by Dave Donald.

Every object and every emotion has already been explored and explained in detail—the libraries are spilling and the web is exploding with all kinds of writings. Instead of further augmenting the agonies of the readers by over-stimulating your cognitive processes and churning out original stuff, it is better to copy-paste from the web, not from my blog, though.

I sense some of you are still keen on putting down your experiences and thoughts in two dimensions. In that case, I would like to elucidate the two methods of becoming a good writer. You may follow any one of these.

1. The Mystical Method: The first one is my very own personal method. I begin with typing whatever comes to my mind. For example:

“King Queen story qwrert yuiop asdfg hjkl zxcvb nm,./ sdhl;l hfds hyk jkklll hfdsr yipmht shads fghjklqwert yuio mad about you zxcvb nm,.—Crazy kiya re… hhuh ohhh hqwert Munni badnaam hui…. zxcvb nm,. Qwertt Tere mast mast do nain… kk vvvxx kkghelod sjlpf olrek hu.”

After that I select the text, close my eyes, and recite The Grist Mill mantra five times. As soon as I open my eyes and unselect the text, it converts into a proper story—all set to be published on the blog. If you don’t believe me, read the result from the above text:

“Once there was a King who was very cruel, unjust, and corrupt. His Queen was kind, obedient, and God-fearing. She died at a young age, giving birth to her fifth child. The King lived a long life, married many times, and fathered many children—legitimate as well as illegitimate.”

This method will work for you only if you have a pure soul, and you say your prayers regularly and never lie to anyone.

2. The Traditional Method: In case the above approach fails because you are not as pious and benevolent as I am, you need to follow the traditional method. This method puts great stress on learning proper English. Perfect your grammar and punctuation—you may break the rules once you are successful, but not before that. Second recommendation is to read widely. Read everything, across all genres, and learn the rules of the genre you want to write in. Third and the most important step is to write, but only after researching your topic thoroughly. Finally, respect your readers’ intelligence.

Here are a few websites covering grammar, blogging advice, and fiction writing advice for the traditionalists among you.

GRAMMAR

PURDUE OWL: These OWL resources will help you use correct grammar in your writing. This area includes resources on grammar topics, such as count and noncount nouns, articles (a versus an), subject-verb agreement, and prepositions

CCC.COMMNET.EDU: Guide to Grammar and Writing, and Principles of Composition

BLOGGING ADVICE

GREATBONG: Five Bits of Unsolicited Advice For Bloggers

JOHN GRAHAM-CUMMING: How to Write a Successful Blog Post

SLATE: How To Blog: Advice from Arianna Huffington, Om Malik, and more of the Web's best pundits.

OPEN FORUM: Guy Kawasaki on Blogging: “If you embrace these ten practices, the quality—and the perception of your quality—will improve and make your blogging utterly beguiling.”

BLOGADDA: Interview with the alter ego of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, one of the most popular bloggers in India.

FICTION WRITING ADVICE

ADVICE TO WRITERS: “Writerly Wisdom Of The Ages” Collected by Jon Winokur

ABOUT.COM: Writers on Writing: A Collection of quotes by Richard Nordquist

JERZ.SETONHILL.EDU: 10 Tips for Creative Writers by Kennedy and Jerz

WRITERSHELPER.COM: Writing tips from an editor. “People respect high quality writing. If you deliver your work in a strong and error-free package, people take you seriously. Your message comes through clearly.”

WRITER’S DIGEST: The 10 commandments of Fiction Writing

DAKOTA STATE UNIVERSITY: Fiction Writing: Major Components of Stories: Plot, Characters, Setting, Dialogue, Point of View, Theme, and Style

DARKWAVES.COM: Advice on Novel Writing by Crawford Kilian

LOS ANGELES TIMES: Janet Fitch's 10 rules for writers

COPPYBLOGGER: Ernest Hemingway’s Top 5 Tips For Writing Well

GUARDIAN : Part One: Fiction writing advice from Elmore Leonard, Diana Athill, Margaret Atwood, Roddy Doyle, Helen Dunmore, Geoff, Dyer, Anne Enright, Richard Ford, Jonathan Franzen, Esther Freud, Neil Gaiman, David Hare, PD James, AL Kennedy.

GUARDIAN: Part Two: Fiction writing advice from Hilary Mantel, Michael Moorcock, Michael Morpurgo, Andrew Motion, Joyce Carol Oates, Annie Proulx, Philip Pullman, Ian Rankin, Will Self, Helen Simpson, Zadie Smith, Colm Toibin, Rose Tremain, Sarah Waters, Jeanette Winterson.

GOTHAM WRITERS’ WORKSHOP: Writing tips from masters: Neil Gaiman, P.D. James, Jack Kerouac, Ronald Knox, Elmore Leonard, Andrew Motion, George Orwell, Edgar Allan Poe, Zadie Smith, Strunk & White, Kurt Vonnegut, Billy Wilder, Coping with Rejection

THE ATLANTIC: Telling Tails by Tim O’Brien: “The problem with unsuccessful stories is usually simple: they are boring, a consequence of the failure of imagination.”

SLATE: What Took You So Long? The quiet hell of 10 years of novel writing. By Susanna Daniel

NATHAN BRANSFORD: Writing Advice from a Literary Agent

THE EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT: Resources for Writers

THE GLOBE AND MAIL: The Writing Advice Industry: “The discussion of creative writing seems more popular than creative writing itself.”

Done reading? Now start writing, and don’t tell your friends about this wonderful page. Otherwise, they will give you serious competition in the future.

PS: If you have any advice for me, or if you come across useful websites on the craft of writing, please don’t hesitate to share here because... you know... don’t tell this to anyone, but sometimes my mantras fail me too.

(This advice was previously published as a page here: http://giribalajoshi.blogspot.com/p/q.html)