A Sincere Request

“Please do not implement your F-Day idea.”

(Picture Courtesy 21 Fools)

This is an urgent request to two of the readers of The Grist Mill. I am reporting from New Delhi, January 8, 2017. I want to tell them how we have been suffering from the consequences of their exploits. I will not name these two troublemakers because their more sensible and mature present-day selves have requested anonymity.

Since January 1st, we have been witnessing nothing but mayhem—incidents of domestic violence, snatchings, stabbings, lootings, daylight robberies, dark-night murders. Our past experiences tell us that this will go on for many more days.

Let me explain what these guys did in 2011. They wanted to be remembered as pioneers of some sort, so they kept on inflicting their unscrupulous ideas on the unsuspecting humanity. One of those ideas was to begin a festival. At first, they revealed their desire to commemorate All Fools Day every year, but then their friends vetoed them, saying that it was already held on April 1st. They wanted an ultra-cool name for their festival, which would have resonated with youngsters as well as elders.

After much deliberation, they agreed on another F word, and decided to have World F Day on January 1st. It was the middle of year 2011, and they began a vigorous campaign to promote the concept for the coming year. They did not leave any leaf unturned. They used YouTube, TV shows, Newspapers, to spread the message about observing F Day on January 1st.

Their tweet, “WORLD F DAY!!!! Here is once in a year opportunity. Just do it on January the 1st” was retweeted millions of time on Twitter.

On Facebook, the idea went viral with such statuses as: “Celebrate WORLD F DAY on January 1!!!! If you have ever wanted to F anyone, or wanted an F from someone, but were too shy or embarrassed to ask, copy and paste this as your status for a whole week.”

The worst thing they did was to associate the idea with the major religions, explaining how the concept of F was an integral part of each religion, which touched a chord with all religiously inclined folks.

An original card from 2011

The card companies, flower sellers, event organizers, etc, made elaborate plans for the oncoming F Day. When finally the day arrived, people all over the world woke up to f everyone. Heterosexual and homosexual couples all over the world f...... in the privacy of their homes. In India, politicians like Kalmadi, A. Raja, Madhu Koda were too happy to be f........  Godmen and spiritual gurus like Sai Baba, Nithyananda, Asaram Bapuji, Shri Shri Ravishankar were also relieved to be f....... To their surprise, the petty and hardcore criminals from inside as well as outside the jails were also f........

But as the day ended, there was absolute anarchy everywhere. Those who f...... and those who were f........ began to indulge in nonstop misadventures in their areas of expertise.

Couples started blaming and fighting, the fresh-out-of-the-jail criminals picked up their profession with renewed vigor. Government had to use great force to bring the society back to normal. After its first observance, the governments all over the world banned this festival. But come January 1st the next year, people celebrated it again with equal enthusiasm, and the cycle of anarchy got repeated in the same way.

Uttering and writing the F word has become a taboo these days. Therefore I have not spelt it anywhere.

Dear readers, go ahead and make roadside bombs, kitchen bombs, or even atom bombs, but please, if the idea of   “ \/\/ 0 |2 1 |)      |= 0 |2 6 ! \/ 3 |\| 3 5 5      |) 4 j ” enters your mind, kill it with rat poison.

PS: Editor's note: The words in Leet in the last paragraph mean 'World Forgiveness Day.'  As for 2011, we can still spell the word, 'Forgiveness'. (Originally written for 21 Fools.)