Let's celebrate a circus called The Times of India

The Times of India has started a contest named, "Let's celebrate a circus called India." I think they forgot to type "Times of" before "India." (The title has now been changed to "Let's celebrate a day in the life of India.") You can also participate by sharing original pictures, videos, jokes, etc. on this Facebook page.

I would like to take this opportunity to pay my tribute to the esteemed national daily.

I have a long association with The Times Group of publications, going back to the print edition of the paper, to Filmfare, to the Illustrated Weekly, to Dharmayug, to Parag days. Jab main chhota bachcha tha…I mean, when I was a school-going kid, we siblings used to fight like young Salman and Arbaaz in the movie Dabangg to get hold of the latest issue of any of these magazines.

Thus a few years ago when I got a personal computer and full-time Internet, my favorite pastime besides forwarding chain emails was to read news on the Times of India.

The electronic version is a thousand times better than the print edition. Let me tell you about my favorite hangouts on the TOI website besides the ultra-cool kaleidoscopic home page. This publication has helped me develop into a superior human being.

1. Life & Style and iDIVA have enormously raised my self-esteem by imparting wisdom on the important activities of modern life. I used to post interesting links from these sections on my friend’s Facebook wall until she asked me that if I was so much interested in that type of stuff, why I didn’t read Cosmopolitan.

“Baah!” I replied, “Who do you think I am? A voyeur, a whacko? I only read reputed national dailies.” That was the end of our friendship. I don’t share the stories with her anymore. Well, obviously, it’s her loss.

2. My next favorites are the Video and Photo galleries. In the age of Hulu, YouTube, Picasa, etc, the TOI provides me a charming old-world experience. I feel like I am living in the Stone Age. I spend hours watching the low-quality pictures, moving them up and down to read the captions and then clicking for the next picture, simultaneously closing an advertisement or two. They are my anchors in an otherwise fast life.

3. Thanks to the TOI, I have turned out one damned computer-savvy person. I know everything related to pop-up blockers and anti-virus software. Furthermore, the advertisements keep me up to date on a variety of products and TV shows. The best ones are those that cover the entire screen before I start reading an article, as if someone has thrown a surprise party for me.

4. Are you still stuck with the dull and phony Facebook groups? Come on, try exploring the dynamic and lively groups on itimes.

5. The fabulous Astrospeak page is “The first indian site based on vedic astrology.” I go there each morning to find out how many readers would discover my blog that day. Then I consult with the numerologists and the Tarot experts to find out the auspicious date and time to publish my next blog post. I have also bought an Eight Mukhi Rudraksh from the Astroshop for Rs 1401. Life has never been so good. Long live the Times of India!

(I don’t want to say this aloud, but the Consultants on the Astrospeak page look like poor relatives of Late Shri Mithilesh Kumar Srivastava, also known as Natwarlal.)