The Turning Points Of My Life

During my early years, despite being a bit precocious, I was a normal kid. And then one fateful day in 6th standard, my math teacher hit me on my head for a wrong answer, discovering at the same time that I was nearsighted and needed corrective glasses. Something changed after that day. Not only did I start wearing spectacles, but also began considering myself superior to everyone else, looking down on them as mere mortals indulged in satisfying their mundane urges, whereas I spent my time contemplating higher spiritual stuff.

The pair of spectacles instantly elevated my standing in the society. My schoolmates, teachers, and neighbors, everyone held me in high esteem. I guess they considered me studious and intelligent, though every once in a while, I got catcalls of char-ankhyan, meaning four-eyed, from stupid boys on my way to school.

All of this strengthened my belief that I was special. In my day-long reveries, with textbooks in my hands, while my mom thought I was studying, I would think only about the other world because this world was full of lowly creatures.

I also started having visions. The lord himself appeared before me. Though I used to be almost blinded by his aura, I could make out that he was well-groomed, attired in modern clothes, extremely handsome… and surprise of surprises, he wore spectacles too. He asked me to convey his message to the world that he was no longer an uncouth ancient troll in robes or dhoti, but a sophisticated, suave, bespectacled gentle God.

Now I understood my feelings of superiority. I was God’s messenger, nay I myself was God’s incarnation on this earth, continuing from where Rama, Krishna, and Jesus had left.

From then on, I began writing Spectacular Verses to spread the message of the great Bespectacled One. I began worshipping the spectacles as a symbol of God. I was sure every wretched person on this earth would find solace if he or she started wearing glasses—prescribed ones or plain ones. I knew the whole world, fed up with the ancient religions and present day godwomen and godmen like, Sathya Sai Baba, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, Sri Sri Ravishankar, Swami Falanand, Swami Dhikanand, Falacharya, Dhikacharya, was waiting only for me.

I wanted to open ashrams for my followers all over the world and live happily ever after in palaces surrounded by servile attendants, also traveling with my followers in my own jets.

I knew that soon enough people would start observing Mata ki chouki every Friday, singing, “Chashme walee Mata teri sada hi jai ho… Hail the bespectacled Goddess.” In my Faith, I had included all good practices from the major religions and wonder tricks from the godmen.

Around this time, I happened to visit Shimla with my family. In that over-populated hill station, we hired a taxi for sightseeing. We visited the Mall, the famous Christ Church, and the Heritage Museum. After that, the taxi driver took us to Jakhu hill, atop of which, he said, there was an ancient temple of Hanuman ji, our revered monkey god. On our arrival, the taxi driver informed us that the place was infested with monkeys, and advised us to leave bags and eyeglasses in the taxi. I couldn't see much without my glasses, hence there was no question of leaving them behind. We stepped out of the taxi and walked towards the gate of the temple complex, when suddenly, tabhi achanak, a big monkey came flying from the right pillar of the temple gate, snatched the spectacles from my nose, and leaped away downhill.

While my father inquired the locals about the modus operandi of getting the glasses back—buy a food packet and offer it to the monkey—my mother hit me hard on my head, chastising me with the words, “Couldn’t you leave them in the taxi?” Once again, something changed after that day. I got disenchanted with the Bespectacled God, who couldn’t even save me from a monkey. I stopped having visions and no more considered myself superior to other human beings. Thus all my dreams of living off my guileless followers’ money were nipped in the bud.

Related link: BBC NEWS: Why do people experience religious visions?
Picture: Modified from a picture on colourbox.com

Unrelated: Gayatri Rao, a blogger friend from my neighborhood has written some kind words about the Grist Mill!