Friends, the edifice of patriarchal tradition in India is getting severe jolts these days from the new generation of girls and women who have become too forward and free-thinking to be controlled by their parents or in-laws. The equal-rights activists, also known as feminists have been hell bent at digging the foundation of our magnificent monument of male dominion. The good old patriarchs, who have always been the providers and protectors of women, children, and other cattle are now accused of engendering rape and violence against women. After every rape or sexual-harassment incident the feminists come out in droves like bees and start attacking the benevolent grandfathers, fathers, brothers, and husbands, who for centuries have kept their women undereducated and under surveillance so that they dutifully washed their underwear.

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Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam

Where the deer and the antelope play;

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day. 

Home, home on the range,

Where the deer and the antelope play;

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day. 

I have been singing this song for the past few days as we have been looking for a new home in Dallas. And just like each time in the past, whenever we had to change our house, I am looking for my dream home, a quaint little house beside a creek or a lake, surrounded by weeds and big trees. And where not exactly buffalos, antelopes and deer, but squirrels, rabbits, and ducks would play. 

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Until a few days ago, I used to be mighty scared of Narendra Modi. The reason behind it was that I used to watch a lot of TV, which projected Modiji as an arrogant, Muslim-hating, self-applauding, patronizing monster. It made such an adverse impact on my psyche that I started having nightmares and hallucinations. Whenever I heard the word Modi, or saw his name or picture in print, I became jittery. Even when my husband called me moti, I would panic for no reason.

Eek!! Why do people upload such scary pictures?? (IBNLive)

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Narayan, Narayan, Narayan... Hari Om, Hari Om... Indian police have arrested Sant Shri Asaram Bapuji merely on the basis of accusations of sexual assault made against him by a 16-year-old girl! Unbelievable! This sheer calumny is unquestionably the most conspicuous symptom of the degeneration of Indian culture and civilization. The only good thing that has come to the fore during this controversy is to what great extent the two main political parties and the police force fear and protect godmen like Bapuji. This intimation has been highly inspiring as I myself have been contemplating of becoming a Guru Ma. Spirituality is a highly lucrative business as opposed to blogging, which is all hard work sans pecuniary benefits.

I have an atheist friend who says all godmen and godwomen who believe that they are God or His emissaries are psychopaths. This feels like a stab in my kidney because many times I have confided in him my desire of becoming a spiritual guru.

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via Wikimedia

I lay in my bedroom, the space I occupied in a rented portion of a house in posh Vasant Kunj in New Delhi. It was dark because I had switched off the lights. The AC was whirring at the window. It was Friday night and I had just returned after watching a movie, B.A. Pass. Life, which had seemed utterly hopeless until yesterday, looked full of possibilities.

Though the movie genre was advertised as film noir, to me it seemed film clair or film blanc. It threw floodlight on Delhi women. For a while, I browsed the FB profiles of lots of aunties and decided to stop chasing that office colleague, who showed a lot of bhav. Loved, loved, loved the movie! Sarika Aunty was fab—bold and beautiful. Why, in the beginning she absolutely resembled Savita Bhabhi. What a coincidence that the aunty who lived two houses away on the opposite side of the road was named Sarita. But I corrected myself that I shouldn't call her aunty, as I wasn't a student anymore. Should I call her bhabhiji? Sounded old-fashioned, so I decided to stick to Sarita ji.

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I am not able to conjure up new posts at my will these days. It has become difficult to write humor and satire amid so much death, destruction, and depravity. It stresses me out when I can’t write. When I told all this to a friend, she opined that I must be having writer’s bullock. Initially, I did not understand her, but when I contemplated on it later, the picture became clear. Writers should have unicorns, flying horses, birds-of-paradise, butterflies, and so on. Bullocks are for farmers and village people. When a writer has bullocks, he or she cannot write.

In my imagination I saw two bullocks and they were not allowing me to write. They had a cartload of books, and implied that until I read all those books, they were not going to leave me. I considered it a pleasant break from the nerve-racking 24-hour news grind, which is then magnified by bloggers, and then further bombarded by Facebook and Twitter friends.

Writer's Bullocks

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Updated on 29 December 2013

A still from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani via topnews.com

1. Lungi Dance from Chennai Express, featuring Deepika Padukone and Shah Rukh Khan:

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I know people never learn from other people’s mistakes, even then I consider it my duty to share a few pearls of wisdom that I have gained from my mistakes and my friend's mistake from time to time. I promise, if you follow the following tips, efficiency and happiness will become your slaves.

1. Avoid using an iPad or a laptop computer as a chopping board: Until someone invents waterproof laptops and tablets made from food-grade material, it is best not to use them as cutting boards in your kitchen. 

2. Never cut vegetables with the blunt side of a knife: A knife has two sides—a sharp side and a blunt side. If you cut vegetables with the blunt side, it will take a long time to complete the task. Besides, the area of the blunt side being more than that of the sharp side and pressure being inversely proportional to area (pressure = force/area), you will have to apply more pressure while cutting vegetables or meat.

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Although the recent floods and landslides in Uttarakhand have put the state in the headlines, the local people have suffered unimaginable loss of life and livelihood. Uttarakhand Mandal of America (UMA) is working towards rehabilitating at least 2000 affected families. Your donations are most welcome. Please visit UMA website to learn more.

Map via uttarakhand.org

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(via funmunch.com) 

Father’s Day was celebrated on June 16th this year. Fathers are held in high regard in India, and command great respect. As the head of a family, a father has to work hard to provide for his brood. Unlike their counterparts in the other parts of the world, most Indian fathers do not stop caring for their offspring even after they acquire adulthood. I have come across on my timeline many wonderful pictures and sincere, heartfelt outpourings of sons and daughters honoring and extolling the virtues of their dads. I am sharing a few inspiring posts which can be copied and sent to fathers in case someone falls short of words next time. I have edited these slightly for the sake of clarity.

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There was a time when I used to be as arrogant as the people who pepper their speech with obscenities and look down upon others who don't use foul language. Not that I knew I was arrogant; I merely considered myself superior to others on the virtue of my ability to eat extremely spicy food.

I learned from the health articles that contrary to some popular misconceptions, there weren't any evidence that chilies—red or green—caused slightest harm to our bodies or digestive tracks. Rather, chili peppers, along with other spices, stimulated our taste buds and produced saliva and other gastric juices, which helped in digestion. I found out that chilies had high vitamin C content and were low in fat and calories. In fact, a bowl full of chilies had 2.5 times more vitamin C than a bowl full of citrus fruits. Hot food kept our bodies cool in hot climate, and spices were natural food preservatives.

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Ritu Tawade: The Great Savior Of Indian Men



All of us know how India has acquired the disgraceful distinction of a rape country. I am not very much concerned about the women who are raped, assaulted, or sexually harassed, as it is one of the duties of most Indian women to sacrifice everything and suffer silently to keep the men folk happy. Rather, I am aghast at the bad reputation of our great nation and our men in general. These days, people all over the world think that all Indian men are rapists.

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They are still the most loved and cherished members of our family. In the past, they have always moved with us to various cities around the globe. Even now, one of them always accompanies us on our camping trips as well as to other outings where we stay in log cabins or family suites. We can not imagine our life without them.

But a recent incident—none of their fault in the least—have given them a bad rap. Now we can not even speak aloud our beloveds’ names at public places, nor can we Google them. I was even a bit apprehensive to mention them here, but then decided not to be a chicken any more. It hurts to know that they are treated like pariahs. These handsome dudes have fed me dal-chawal all my life, and I can not ditch them when the going has got tough for them. I would be the last person on this earth to be accused of being a fair-weather friend.

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Goatie Bansal And Pawan Bakri (May 10, 2043)

Thursday, May 14, 2043

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Daddu (real name withheld on request) has agreed to write movie reviews for the Grist Mill. He is a closeted Hindi movie fan. Although he doesn't allow his family members to watch degraded movies, he himself goes out and enjoys every movie with his Khap friends. Their families believe that they have gone to panchayat meetings to discuss important social issues. At first, Daddu sent me reviews of the movies that had the word “youth” in their titles, but I explained to him that this was a family blog. Daddu writes in Hindi. I am translating it in English for you.

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(In this article, the first part tells the real story of Mohammad Azam Khan’s April 2013 trip to the US, and the second part is fictional.)

Part I
This astonishing story is from 2013 AD. That year, Akhilesh Yadav, 39, the young chief minister of an Indian state, Uttar Pradesh, and his urban development minister, Mohammad Azam Khan, 64, were invited along with a 12-member delegation to attend a symposium on South Asia at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

The subject of the symposium was. "Harvard Without Borders: Mapping the Kumbh Mela." As the chief minister of UP, Akhilesh Yadav had successfully hosted the Maha Kumbh, a 55-day religious congregation, which takes place every 12 years in the sacred city of Allahabad at the confluence of the rivers Ganga and Yamuna, and is attended by tens of millions of people from India and abroad.

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All of you must be aware that scientists keep on experimenting and publishing results of new studies. For example, one of the studies taught me that if I put a foot in front of the other foot, I will move forward. I am a great fan of such studies. So you can imagine my excitement when a study proved that pessimists live longer, happier lives. Now I am also a sucker for all sorts of tips and advice that promise longevity because I feel my life has just begun and I still have many unfulfilled dreams.

It gives me shivers to think how foolishly optimistic I have been until now. It could have cut my life short any day in the past. Hence after reading how optimists die early and pessimists live long and happy lives, I decided to change my attitude.

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Maya Kodnani and Narendra Modi (via countercurrents.org)

We trusted you all these years and now you betray us. Why you no save Maya Kodnani and Babu Bajrangi? Why you want death penalty for these brave warriors?

We have heard many stories of royal intrigues, conspiracies, and Machiavellian designs from the past, but this is the most shocking tale of betrayal in the recent history. Just because we called you Hindu Hridaya Samrat, you have started acting like those samrats or kings from the past, who used to kill their own brothers and fathers to acquire thrones? You have dealt a severe blow to all the Hindus.

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(Picture via nytimes.com)

The recent bombing incidents at Boston Marathon in the US and at the BJP office in Bangalore (India) have left me sad and dismayed. I am disappointed at the decline in quality and quantity of such terrorist attacks.

It is very important for countries like India and the US to have more homegrown terrorists as it has become increasingly difficult for the terrorists from outside to carry out terror attacks on foreign soil. There are many websites that teach people how to make bombs, but very few that clearly demonstrate how to make terrorists out of ordinary people. Who will make these bombs if there are no terrorists?

Here are a few easy-to-follow tips to radicalize simple peace-loving idiots and turn them into terrorists.

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For some time now, Dinesh had considered himself the most eligible bachelor in the town. It was a realization that had dawned on him lately, as all of his friends had become householders. Not that he had intended to remain unmarried. It was just that he couldn't find a bride to his liking. He had wanted a wife as beautiful as Madhuri Dixit, who would also get along well, working with his mother in their joint household and not spout abuses all day long like his two sisters-in-law.

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(via nytimes.com - link below)

All of us know that helping others makes a person a better human being. We also keep hearing stories in which good always triumphs over evil. In fact, we are born in this world not only amid a cacophony of wise sayings passed on from generations of philosophers and thinkers, which is blasted from public platforms, but also mean and selfish talks that goes on in the confines of privacy. Thus most people remain confused, and are skeptical of helping others.

This is the reason that we need, from time to time, new-age gurus to interpret and reaffirm the wisdom of our ancestors. Adam Grant, 31, a professor at Wharton, has proved, with the help of extensive social-science research and experiments, that people who help others are inclined to be more successful and reach the top in the long run as compared to selfish and mean people.

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Holika and Prahlada (via rediff.com)

On the eve of Holi, the recently concluded festival of colors, many Hindus celebrate the death of Holika by burning her effigies in bonfires. I usually feel sad at the untimely and cruel death of this young woman, who was a casualty of the enmity between two egotistical stepbrothers. I have to confess that I am also a bit guilty of eating green chickpeas roasted in Holi bonfire during my childhood.

Although the Hindu Gods have become apathetic, incompetent, and ineffective like the Indian Government these days, there was a time when they were as pragmatic, decisive, arrogant and crafty as the present-day US government. Business meant business to them. They were forever busy scheming, granting wishes, doling out riches, ammunition etc. to their followers, who oftentimes turned against the providers. And then the Gods had to fight with their own creations. Such wars destroyed many innocent lives and inflicted immeasurable pain and sufferings.

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Related Blog:
"What did Sharad Yadav mean by, ‘Who amongst us has not followed girls?’" by Indian Homemaker

Related News: IBN: JD(U) chief Sharad Yadav says stalking women in India a norm, 'everyone does it'

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Pope Francis (Jorge Mario Bergoglio) was born on 17 December, 1936 in Flores, Buenos Aires City.

Newborn Jorge Mario Bergoglio (1936)

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Gender equality, a habit which people in West have taken on like wearing clothes, still remains elusive in India. Most of the people here are like members of some remote tribe, proudly gyrating in nude, showing off their stuff/junk of inequality in the name of culture and tradition. They remain oblivious of their grossness because it is the only way of life they have known. This habit is so normalized and ingrained that it will take decades for all our people to adopt equality and become civilized.

(Scroll down to watch Shah Rukh Khan as a groom in Babul ki Duayen Leti Ja)

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Oh dear, let’s go to Mars!
Let’s accept Tito’s offer
Of this space adventure,
And explore heavenly stars.

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Recently, I happened to watch "Farah's childhood dreams come true" on NDTV. It is one of the episodes of a show called, Band Baajaa Bride with Sabyasachi. This episode was about a 25-year-old girl who is a vegetable vendor’s daughter. Sabyasachi, the fashion designer, who has made a fortune by draping healthy Bollywood actresses in curtains and bed-sheets and selling beautifully designed clothes at exorbitant price, helps the girl fulfill her childhood dream. I learned that he has been doing such philanthropy since last year.

I was greatly moved by Sabyasachi Mukherjee's gesture. I myself, coming from a poor family, understand that an underprivileged girl’s only dream in life is to get bedecked in inordinately expensive bridal outfit and jewelry on her wedding day. Mark my words, girls like us never dream of becoming financially independent or wish to learn any life skills other than cooking and cleaning. We only dream of having fairy-tale weddings, where we would look like princesses. We don’t want to work hard or earn a living, just want someone/anyone to magically fulfill our wishes.

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For better results, watch the video in full-screen mode.

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It is very important for a country to have a good Prime Minister. A bad Prime Minister is like a bad zookeeper, who along with his subordinates, siphons the money allotted for the animals for his own use. He doesn't care if the animals are fed properly or if their enclosures are cleaned or maintained. As a consequence, the zoo stinks and the animals either starve or kill each other.

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Important message: Before I divulge the details of my love story, I want to inform you that the Grist Mill has now become a seven-header blog. At any point of time, if you find my stories boring or upsetting, please click on the tabs above (About, Contact, etc.)and have a look at the assiduously designed, uplifting blog headers. 

***

The following lines by Emily Dickinson depict my feelings of the early days of my love story:

ALTER? When the hills do.
Falter? When the sun
Question if his glory
Be the perfect one.
Surfeit? When the daffodil
Doth of the dew:
Even as herself, O friend!
I will of you!

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Latest Super-Hit Chart Buster
 Indo-Pak Rap: Ok, Ok, Oh My God!

Lead Vocalist: Arnab Goswami, Editor-in-Chief at TIMES NOW 

Other Indian Singers: Mahroof Raza, Strategic Affairs Analyst

Lt. Gen (Retd) B S Jaswal

Pakistani singers: Zafar Hilaly, Former Secy, MEA

Syed Tariq Pirzada, Former Pak Ambassador to US

Prof Zafr Jaspal, Quaid-e-Azam University

Admiral (Retd) Jawaid Iqbal, Defense Analyst

Original Video: The Newshour Debate: Pak's Open Aggression (Full Episode)

Related Link: THE HINDU: Manmohan Singh's Abject Surrender

Inspired by the Gregory Brothers' Auto-Tune the News 

Unrelated: An Auto-Tuned Video: Symphony of Science

Music Director: Ratan Cyril Seth

  Video Editor: Giribala Joshi

Life is to celebrate. We get to live 365 or 366 days every year. Even though most of us celebrate Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Friendship Day, Women’s Day, All Fools’ Day etc., many distinguished people are still left under-appreciated. It is very important to honor friends and relatives who are sexist, superstitious, bigots, homophobes, racists, etc. Many times people do not even know that their friends, or relatives, or they themselves are qualified for such exalting sobriquets.

Therefore, I will put down a few guidelines so that you can identify such people and send them appropriate cards or gifts on their special days. The days are decided on the basis of the first and third letter of the root word in this way—the corresponding numeral (or the sum of the digits of the numeral) of the first letter stands for the month, and the numeral of the third letter stands for the day.

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Asaram Bapu reveals his misogyny:


Meanwhile, I am chanting Saraswati mantra to rid my country of such charlatans.

Audio courtesy Hunter Song from Gangs of Wasseypur and video clips courtesy CNN-IBN and other sources.