Mark Zuckerberg and his wife

Mark dude, just saw a picture from your wedding in a newspaper. I am so happy for you, brother, but why this Chinese girl di? Have you guys run out of white girls? We are facing almost same problem here in Haryana. Girls have become scarce. My parents are not able to find a decent girl for me. You are one lucky guy to get married, so I thought I should impart some tips for a happy married life along with my congratulations.

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Do you find yourself tongue-tied while talking to strangers at social gatherings? Does nobody take you seriously? Has this problem turned your grape-like self-esteem into a raisin? If your answer is yes, you need to immerse yourself in this post and let osmosis take place so that you appear to be brimming with charm, knowledge, and worthiness in full glory.

A few years ago, I used to be a squeaky mouse surrounded by croaking frogs, crowing crows, and braying donkeys at social gatherings. Thanks to my astute observation skills and perseverance, I have learned some tricks and have successfully metamorphosed into a talking rat. I learned everything the hard way, but now I want to share my knowledge and expertise here for your benefit. I wish I had such guidance before I began socializing.

So if you are desperate to jump-start your social life, you need to embrace the following traits.

1. Confidence—To show how busy and important you are, never arrive at any event on time. When you make your own grand entrance at least two hours late, everyone’s eyes will be fixed on you. Take this opportunity to greet them loudly and make your presence felt. Try to introduce yourself to all new people in the room, and remember to mention your nationality, religion, caste and net worth. Make sure they understand that you belong to a superior race to theirs.

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Illustration by Satish Acharya 

About one month after Carl Sagan was born in Brooklyn, New York, and Charles Manson was born in Cincinnati, Ohio, a baby girl was born in Nadgaon, Bombay Presidency in British India, who was destined to befuddle historians. Following a widely prevalent Indian tradition, she was neither a rationalist like Sagan, nor did she achieve the heights of insanity like Manson.

The girl had black hair, big almond eyes, and cheeks like ripe guava. When she was born, someone might have definitely proclaimed that Goddess Lakshmi had arrived. We should find that person, and if he or she is still alive, make him or her our national soothsayer, for the girl did bring immeasurable and unaccountable wealth and fortune to the family.

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Sachin Tendulkar's new hairstyle is the latest sensation. 
Listen in his own words why he opted for this new look:

(Watch the complete video here: Sachin Tendulkar Fecilitated)

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