I know people never learn from other people’s mistakes, even then I consider it my duty to share a few pearls of wisdom that I have gained from my mistakes and my friend's mistake from time to time. I promise, if you follow the following tips, efficiency and happiness will become your slaves.

1. Avoid using an iPad or a laptop computer as a chopping board: Until someone invents waterproof laptops and tablets made from food-grade material, it is best not to use them as cutting boards in your kitchen. 

2. Never cut vegetables with the blunt side of a knife: A knife has two sides—a sharp side and a blunt side. If you cut vegetables with the blunt side, it will take a long time to complete the task. Besides, the area of the blunt side being more than that of the sharp side and pressure being inversely proportional to area (pressure = force/area), you will have to apply more pressure while cutting vegetables or meat.

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There was a time when I used to be as arrogant as the people who pepper their speech with obscenities and look down upon others who don't use foul language. Not that I knew I was arrogant; I merely considered myself superior to others on the virtue of my ability to eat extremely spicy food.

I learned from the health articles that contrary to some popular misconceptions, there weren't any evidence that chilies—red or green—caused slightest harm to our bodies or digestive tracks. Rather, chili peppers, along with other spices, stimulated our taste buds and produced saliva and other gastric juices, which helped in digestion. I found out that chilies had high vitamin C content and were low in fat and calories. In fact, a bowl full of chilies had 2.5 times more vitamin C than a bowl full of citrus fruits. Hot food kept our bodies cool in hot climate, and spices were natural food preservatives.

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They are still the most loved and cherished members of our family. In the past, they have always moved with us to various cities around the globe. Even now, one of them always accompanies us on our camping trips as well as to other outings where we stay in log cabins or family suites. We can not imagine our life without them.

But a recent incident—none of their fault in the least—have given them a bad rap. Now we can not even speak aloud our beloveds’ names at public places, nor can we Google them. I was even a bit apprehensive to mention them here, but then decided not to be a chicken any more. It hurts to know that they are treated like pariahs. These handsome dudes have fed me dal-chawal all my life, and I can not ditch them when the going has got tough for them. I would be the last person on this earth to be accused of being a fair-weather friend.

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(via nytimes.com - link below)

All of us know that helping others makes a person a better human being. We also keep hearing stories in which good always triumphs over evil. In fact, we are born in this world not only amid a cacophony of wise sayings passed on from generations of philosophers and thinkers, which is blasted from public platforms, but also mean and selfish talks that goes on in the confines of privacy. Thus most people remain confused, and are skeptical of helping others.

This is the reason that we need, from time to time, new-age gurus to interpret and reaffirm the wisdom of our ancestors. Adam Grant, 31, a professor at Wharton, has proved, with the help of extensive social-science research and experiments, that people who help others are inclined to be more successful and reach the top in the long run as compared to selfish and mean people.

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Pope Francis (Jorge Mario Bergoglio) was born on 17 December, 1936 in Flores, Buenos Aires City.

Newborn Jorge Mario Bergoglio (1936)

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Oh dear, let’s go to Mars!
Let’s accept Tito’s offer
Of this space adventure,
And explore heavenly stars.

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For better results, watch the video in full-screen mode.

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President Barack Obama embracing his wife Michelle Obama
Social media's most shared picture

Friends, I am in mourning. The defeat of Mitt Romney of the Grand Old Party, whose followers are somewhat similar to the dharm-ke-thhekedar or the upholders of faith in our own country, has left me heartbroken.

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Protesters in Pakistan burning US flag (via CNN )

My sympathies lie with the holy warriors, who spend their lives, killing people, burning down embassies, hospitals, schools and other such stuff. Sigh! Sometimes, I feel very sad that despite their deadly efforts the Superpower has not yet complied with their wishes. I feel like a poor mother watching her starving children kill each other for scraps of old broken toys from a garbage dump.

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Woohoo! Friends, Manu Joseph, the acclaimed journalist and author, has devoted two big paragraphs to me in an article in OPEN magazine. It has made me so happy that I have been braying like an ecstatic  donkey for the past few days. And I am dying to share all that he has written with you.

My first reaction after reading the article was, “WTF? Why this felicitation?” It is his magnanimity that he has so condescendingly extolled my virtues in an article, which is otherwise an obituary to Anna Hazare’s movement—long live the movement—which I had nothing to do with. Even then, I simply couldn’t contain my joy. It felt as if I had been stuck in an unfriendly island among intimidating dwellers till now, feeling small and worthless, and suddenly someone raised my pedestal and showered rose petals on me.

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For the past few days, we have been bombarded with the news that the Higgs boson has been found. The following video was made a day before the big announcement was made at CERN:

Even after all the hullabaloo, in reality, no one has yet been able to see the God particle in person. He remains elusive, though seekers have found signs of His existence. We are still not sure if the Higgs boson works alone like the God from Abrahamic religions, or there is a team like Hindu Deities.

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If you are reading this, I am 100% sure that you are a living being. Therefore I want to acquaint you with some basic medicines that alleviate the pain associated with living. In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow had proposed a theory of hierarchy of needs, which is usually depicted as a pyramid with most basic needs at the bottom and the need for self-actualization at the top.

I had actually made my own list of needs, but then discovered that Maslow’s pyramid covered most of them. So I decided to cite a few needs from the pyramid and warn you about their side effects:

An interpretation of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, represented as a pyramid with the more basic needs at the bottom (via Wikipedia)

Note: 1. I have updated the second rung from bottom with ‘full-time internet.'

           2. I have added ‘blogging’ at the top of the pyramid. You may add your own hobby, vocation, or profession, if it makes you                      happy.

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After watching Richard John "Rick" Santorum, one of the GOP presidential candidates, on news channels, I finally comprehended God’s purpose for sending me to this country. I am here to help Santorum in his holy fight. And together we will remove the plague of cultural liberalism and secularism from the schools and universities

I totally agree with all his views. The following three are especially close to my heart:

1. Contraceptives are harmful to women and to the society in general, which means that women should keep on having babies all through their reproductive years. Several women’s groups have been floored by his kind utterances. Being a woman, my own frigid heart has turned into slush by such warm consideration.

2. Homosexual acts and same-sex marriages are immoral. For this respected Santorum Ji has been receiving rich compliments from Dan Savage and friends.

3. Intelligent design is a legitimate scientific theory that should be taught in science classes. The theory of evolution is over hyped. Now, I am the perfect candidate who can help with this undertaking. I am a big proponent of intelligent design. This is why God must have thought that I was needed in this country.

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In Somewhereland, everyone, from the king to the pauper on the road, secretly desires to keep a singing bird as a pet. The land is bestowed with incredible natural beauty. There is a river that never stops talking, flowers that dance with the breeze, trees that change colors every season, and above all, a variety of beasts and birds that fearlessly wallop, gallop, or hop around.

In spite of the fact that people have to work hard for a living, they are still deeply connected with the nature, intrinsically inclined to keep the beasts and the birds as pets.

If you talked to anyone, after exchanging initial pleasantries, they would inevitably inundate you with the accounts of antics and quirks of their pets just as the parents of young kids do.

A Singing Bird
(image source istockphoto.com)

The natives have all types of pets except for the singing birds—the most beautiful, lovely, and enchanting of all the creatures. The singing birds capture your heart at first sound and sight. The way they swoop, the way they perch and hop, the way they sing, they transcend you to a different level of consciousness. You forget all your pain and worries and feel as if you have become one with divinity. But, alas, when the bird flies away, you suffer acute heartache and melancholy, and pine for its company. You become desperate to own a singing bird.

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Snobs
(Picture courtesy thesmartly.com)

Who doesn’t want to be a snob? You must have encountered many a snob in your life, secretly admired them, and ardently desired to be like them, but didn’t know how to become one. Well, until now because in the next few lines you are going to learn the finer aspects of snobbery, which you will find easy to inculcate in yourself.

Even if you consider snobbery an uncharted territory, you will definitely discover a hidden snob inside you, and will be able to unleash him in his full glory on this world. If you already are a snob, these tips will help you become a better snob.

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When we were moving to US, I was worried about leaving God’s own country for a nation of kafirs, atheists, and immoralists. But on my arrival, I learned that people here were as pious as folks back home.

The main approach road to our home had an exasperating number of churches alongside it. As we would pass by them in our car, out of habit and respect, I would bow my head to every church, left and right. One day, this pious act sprained my neck muscles. Now my world revolved around my neck pain, and I became extremely depressed and irritable. Getting a physician’s appointment was even more difficult than finding God. They were all booked for the next three months. We resorted to prayers, and over-the-counter first aid products like Bengay and hot/cold packs.

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(In the following article I have used the pronoun ‘he’ for the child instead of ‘he or she’ for the sake of simplicity.)

Source: istockphoto.com

It doesn’t matter whether your child is a genius or an average brat, what matters is if he or she knows how to be happy. I am going to illuminate how to equip your child with an inbuilt fountain of happiness forever and ever.

If you are not burdened with the task of raising children, be your own child, and use these tips to enhance your own happiness.

Your child needs encouragement at every step. As soon as the little one starts mingling with others of his kind, let him freely push, shove, or beat up other kids, although you should surreptitiously keep an eye on the tiny tots for the safety of your own tot. The sight will not only warm up your heart, but also develop mountain-like self-confidence in your child.

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Picture: Outlook India 

I am usually a happy and upbeat person, but last week after reading some contrived and shoddy articles in Outlook magazine’s Happiness Edition, I became highly miserable and fell into a dark well of “critically deep dukh and taynsion.”

To lift up my spirits, I turned the pages of the latest issue of the Time magazine. As if as a sign from Ma Unicorn, the first thing I read was, “10 Questions for Daniel Kahneman,” an interview with the psychologist and Nobel Prize winning economist.

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When I heard that autobiographies are the in books this season, I thought of writing one too. While working on this project, I realized that this way not only will I be leaving an imprint on the tapestry of history, but also bequeathing a treasure of wisdom, enlightenment, and inspiration to the current and future generations.

Once upon a time I used to live a very colorful, bindaas, kick-ass life. I will tell you about it, as also how one evening it came to an abrupt end. Since then I have been living a saintly monogamous life. Of course, not out of choice. Being an inanimate object, I do not have a free will, nor am I complaining because even the most evolved animated bundles of atoms and molecules known as human beings seldom get to exercise their free will. Like us, most of them are brought into this world to be used by others and go on living according to the whims of the very same others.

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(From the previous post: “What I love doing is eating and sleeping. No one is going to push start my stopped juggernaut. I am a rebel with a grouse. Suddenly I have realized that my time on this earth is limited. I will not waste it living someone else's life.”)

Friends, my Eating & Sleeping project is going on very well. As Ralph Waldo Emerson had once said, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

My universe is made up of my friends and my family members. And I have been receiving unconditional support from everyone. All my online and offline friends except a few jealous souls have been extremely delighted at my undertaking. I remember my best friend, praying, “Oh God, if you can not make me thin, make all my friends fat.” Looks like God has listened to her. I am putting on a lot of weight these days.

This is how I might look in the future.
(In this 2007 picture, I am in a jumpsuit filled with balloons)

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