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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Grist Mill Miss India 2012

Romancing the Crown
(Courtesy Miss Universe 2011)
The Grist Mill Miss India 2012, the country's most prestigious and only one of a kind beauty pageant, has begun with a bang. Today, the top 5 contenders for the coveted crown will be announced. The judges have selected these gorgeous finalists from a bevy of beauties, all of whom had gone through six weeks of intensive training in personal grooming, fashion, diet, fitness, and communication.

All five finalists are head-turners and show-stoppers. When they walk on a road, traffic comes to a halt. With their “chiseled bods, svelte figures, and toned physiques,” they will certainly inspire many young women and girls. During this contest period, these beauties have wowed the judges with their impeccable manners and behavior, striking a perfect balance between oomph and stateliness, docility and aggressiveness. All five have expressed their intense desire to work for world peace.

Please vote for your favorite contestants at the end of this post. The beauty you vote for could well go on to win the crown, and may even make her Bollywood debut next year. Not just that, there are many exciting prizes that you can send to the Grist Mill if your choice of the top three corresponds with the final choice of the judges. After casting your vote, please keep checking this page to find out who is leading among these five:

Contestant no. 1 – Nanda looks fabulous in her smooth, shiny brown coat. She affirms that this contest has been a life changing experience for her and she wants to bring a positive change in the lives of poor children. She is upset by a recent report that 42% of Indian children below age 5, which means around 61 million children, are malnourished. Even though it means sharing the milk meant for the calves, Nanda wants to campaign for children’s right to get nutritious milk. She is 4'5" tall and weighs 678 kg.

Contestant no. 2 – Subhadra looks resplendent in her white coat. She is very passionate about environment, and rubbishes the claim that bovines are responsible for global warming. She contends that the environmental damage takes place due to the mindless production of livestock through intensive farming by greedy humans. If properly managed, the waste produced by cattle could be used as eco-friendly manure and bio-fuel. Subhadra stands tall at 4'7", and weighs 693 kg.

Contestant no. 3 – Surabhi’s off-white coat with grey patches reminds one of cloud formations during monsoon. She is highly religious and has spent much of her life near a temple. She wants to promote faith and spirituality, and strongly believes that prayers can solve all the problems of the world. She is 4'3" tall and weighs 647 kg.

Contestant no. 4 – Sushila looks hot in her black shiny coat. Her favorite riddle is, “If a white cow gives white milk, what color milk does a black cow give?” To which most of the children answer, “Black,” and she gets a hearty laugh out of it. Sushila wants to campaign against mistreatment of animals and increased use of pesticides and hormones in factory farms. She is 4'2" tall and weighs 644 kg.

Contestant no. 5 – Bahula has a grey coat with brown patches. She likes countryside and is not a great fan of cities. She was shocked to see old cows abandoned on the hazardous streets in cities, where they lived on discarded food. Many cows have died of starvation after eating plastic bags along with food from garbage dumps. Bahula wants to fight for a ban on thin plastic bags. Her main purpose in life is to spread awareness about caring for the old among cattle as well as humans. She is 4'3" tall and weighs 653 kg.

Vote for your favorite contestants:



Now listen what one of our prominent judges has to say about these beauties:


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

To Catch A Singing Bird

In Somewhereland, everyone, from the king to the pauper on the road, secretly desires to keep a singing bird as a pet. The land is bestowed with incredible natural beauty. There is a river that never stops talking, flowers that dance with the breeze, trees that change colors every season, and above all, a variety of beasts and birds that fearlessly wallop, gallop, or hop around.

In spite of the fact that people have to work hard for a living, they are still deeply connected with the nature, intrinsically inclined to keep the beasts and the birds as pets.

If you talked to anyone, after exchanging initial pleasantries, they would inevitably inundate you with the accounts of antics and quirks of their pets just as the parents of young kids do.

A Singing Bird
(image source istockphoto.com)
The natives have all types of pets except for the singing birds—the most beautiful, lovely, and enchanting of all the creatures. The singing birds capture your heart at first sound and sight. The way they swoop, the way they perch and hop, the way they sing, they transcend you to a different level of consciousness. You forget all your pain and worries and feel as if you have become one with divinity. But, alas, when the bird flies away, you suffer acute heartache and melancholy, and pine for its company. You become desperate to own a singing bird.

Friday, February 3, 2012

You Can Be A Snob Too!

Snobs
(Picture courtesy thesmartly.com)
Who doesn’t want to be a snob? You must have encountered many a snob in your life, secretly admired them, and ardently desired to be like them, but didn’t know how to become one. Well, until now because in the next few lines you are going to learn the finer aspects of snobbery, which you will find easy to inculcate in yourself.

Even if snobbery is an uncharted territory, you will definitely discover the hidden snob inside you, and will be able to unleash it in its full glory on this world. If you already are a snob, these tips will help you become snobbier.


Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Turning Points Of My Life

During my early years, despite being a bit precocious, I was a normal kid. And then one fateful day in 6th standard, my Math teacher hit me on my head for a wrong answer, discovering at the same time that I was nearsighted and needed corrective glasses. Something changed after that day. Not only did I start wearing spectacles, but also began considering myself superior to everyone else, looking down on them as mere mortals indulged in satisfying their bodily urges, whereas I spent my time contemplating higher spiritual stuff.

The pair of spectacles instantly elevated my standing in the society. My schoolmates, teachers, and neighbors everyone held me in high esteem. I guess they considered me studious and intelligent, though once in a while, I got catcalls of char-ankhyan, meaning four-eyed, from stupid boys on my way to school.

All of it only strengthened my belief that I was special. In my day-long reveries, with textbooks in my hands, while my mom thought I was studying, I would think only about the other world because this world was full of lowly creatures.

I also started having visions. The lord himself appeared before me. Though I was almost blinded by his aura, I could make out he was well-groomed, attired in modern clothes, extremely handsome… and surprise of surprises, he wore spectacles too. He asked me to convey a message to the world that he was no longer an uncouth ancient troll in robes or dhoti, but a sophisticated, suave, bespectacled gentle God.

Now I understood my feelings of superiority. I was God’s messenger, nay I myself was God’s incarnation on this earth, continuing from where Rama, Krishna, and Jesus had left.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Ban Jaipur Literature Festival

If I ever want to go to any festival, I would go to Kumbh Mela to wash away my sins. Never to such a sinful, blasphemous literature festival as the one held in Jaipur.

Even if the organizers send me a private jet, or announce some award for me, or promise to read passages from the Grist Mill, I will not join the derelict, delinquent, morally bankrupt book peddlers.

And after the shameful Rushdie episode, let me ask you, whoever in his right frame of mind would want to go there?