Drumroll, Please! I am Profiled!

Woohoo! Friends, Manu Joseph, the acclaimed journalist and author, has devoted two big paragraphs to me in an article in OPEN magazine. It has made me so happy that I have been braying like an ecstatic  donkey for the past few days. And I am dying to share all that he has written with you.

My first reaction after reading the article was, “WTF? Why this felicitation?” It is his magnanimity that he has so condescendingly extolled my virtues in an article, which is otherwise an obituary to Anna Hazare’s movement—long live the movement—which I had nothing to do with. Even then, I simply couldn’t contain my joy. It felt as if I had been stuck in an unfriendly island among intimidating dwellers till now, feeling small and worthless, and suddenly someone raised my pedestal and showered rose petals on me.

Although, my low intellect could not comprehend everything that he has written, still, I felt highly honored. Right now, while I type these words, my eyes are filled with tears of gratitude.

When you start reading the article, at first, the statements look like little devils sitting smugly moving only the tips of their tails. Only when you delve deep into the underlying metaphorical, allegorical, and spiritual connotations and interpretations, do they reveal the writer’s profound love for not only a talented Indian like me, but for the entire humanity. After all, love is abstract, love is inevitable.

Manu Joseph starts by referring to me as a ‘he’, but after a few lines, he clues in that this he is a she. And I am sure that is me. Usually, I shy away from bragging about the accolades showered upon me for fear of losing friends out of jealousy. Also, I don’t quote so extensively on my blog, but Manu’s thoughtful paean has touched my heart and made me throw away all the rules with a speed of 7 miles per second. Now I don’t care if you turn green, black, or ashen after reading the following text.

There is a type of talented Indian who lives in the United States with his austere wife to whom he lost his virginity, and has two children who are good at spelling. He walks with a mild slouch. He is still intimidated by White waiters, but not Black waiters. In an elevator, chiefly in an elevator, he suspects he is probably small. He does not drive a Prius. He is acquainted with the word ‘generalise’ as something other people should not do. He is often a she. He is fundamentally a good person by almost all the definitions of that human condition—he is against genocide, burning people alive, including Muslims, and stabbing children, including Muslim children. And he loves Narendra Modi. ‘And’ not ‘but’, for ‘but’ will mean that he has considered all the facts and has made a moral decision. He loves Modi for honourable reasons. He loves the idea of a smart, tough and proud Hindu. He loves him because he loves Mother India. He was not always so traditional and patriotic. 

He will give many reasons why he is so now, he will give abstract reasons. He will say love is abstract, love is inevitable. It is not, in reality. Love is calculated, always. In America’s caste system, he is nowhere at the top. In fact, at times he feels he is at the bottom. There are moments, he knows, when brown is the new black. Back home he was something by virtue of his birth, his lineage and education, which was clear to all in plain sight. And the riffraff, which knew its place, readily granted him his, unlike in the United States. That is why he loves India. That is why the Third World middleclass and the rich who live in the West are deeply in love with their homelands. Nations that are filled with the poor are feudal in nature, and so excellent homes for the middleclass. India is probably the best. (From "The Obituary of a Movement" by Manu Joseph)

Such clarity of thoughts, such lucid prose! Isn’t he awesome? Reading the above lines has been like self-discovery for me and I am sure it will lead to self-actualization. I hope when he puts together the next article for the New York Times, there too, he inserts a couple of paragraphs in the same vein. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Right now, I am savoring this encomium as a donkey enjoys a horse cookie after eating hay day after day. Thank you, Manu Joseph! Jai Hind! Jai Bharat!