Why I Was Reluctant To Support The Anti-Corruption Movement

Rs. 50 used to have great value back then

Many of my readers have wondered why I have not come forward in support of the anti-corruption movement. I am very sorry to disappoint you all. I have a long, sustained, economically beneficial association with this enormous amoeboid creature called corruption and I simply cannot start throwing poisonous darts at it.

I am one of its favorite munh-boli daughters. I was born after paying bribes to a doctor and a midwife, graduated from various schools and colleges by bribing the teachers and the officials, and got married, again, by paying bribe, i.e., dowry. And how do you think my father got money for his large family? I cannot imagine life without corruption. Most of my friends, relatives, and family members have been corrupt by various degrees. My entrepreneur friends do not like the notion of income tax at all. And my hard working relatives—doctors, engineers, lawyers, police officers—tell me that there is no provision of paying tax on their extra income.


Apart from giving and receiving bribes and evading income tax, we also believe in manipulating electricity bills, not following traffic rules, actually any other man-made rule at all. Most of us approve aborting female fetuses, and raise our sons to become arrogant chauvinists and crooks. I will not name my relatives who have aborted baby girls to have sons.

Following each other’s examples, we have been living happy, contented, and extremely pious lives. I do not want to destroy the complacency of my friends and relatives by shooting unnecessarily in the midair. After all, it feels so good when the bundles of currency arrive home. I would never make them feel guilty or uncomfortable by telling them that the big scams, condemning our nation into perpetual decadence, are direct outcomes of our seemingly innocuous delightful corrupt practices. And the decadence not only means the lack of good roads, full-time electricity, water, and internet for everyone, but also more poor, hungry, and criminals littering the streets.

To uphold the honor and pride of my family, I choose not to write against my relatives. Nor will I write against my friends. I might lose them forever.

I couldn't even, “using a pen, write in thick lettering, “Mera Neta Chor Hai” on my forearm, and wear it everywhere” because many netas are my relatives too, e.g. my didi, my uncle. Otherwise, the “Mera Neta Chor Hai” campaign was the most ingenious idea of the millennium. I propose the highest award in the Universe for the acclaimed author, Chetan Bhagat. He is sooo intailigent. He should be sent into the space to interact with the aliens. Now please, don’t propose my name for similar space mission because of this awesome recommendation. I might not be able to deal with the aliens in case they didn’t have a developed bribery system like ours.

Once again, if you are still expecting that I would write against corruption in Indian society, I am sorry, not only will I never hurt the feelings of my friends and relatives, but also I will never write anything that would show our rich and glorious culture in poor light.

Gosh, I am a simple person with one-track mind and so much thinking has made me anxious. I am going to pray for an extra hour today. Oh, and I will also make an appointment for a puja with my panditji to keep off my mind from such disturbing thoughts. This panditji is the greediest person I have encountered in a long time, but right now I don’t have any other choice.

Important Update*
After posting this article, I have been receiving phone calls and emails from my near and dear ones. They are all saying the same thing: “Kya tune humein itni patli chamdi ka samjha hai? Do you think we are so thin-skinned? Go ahead and write whatever you want. We wish you made some money from your blog.” I also learned that they are all supporting Anna Hazare’s movement.

“Let the Government enact the Jan Lokpal Bill,” one of them wrote. “We will find our way out.”

Finally, the burden of betrayal has lifted from my conscience and I am free to extend my full support to the anti-corruption movement. Please send me requests to join the online causes once again. I luv online causes. And also, I luv Baba Ramdev and I luv Sri Sri Ravishankar, and it would be luvely to be seen in the company of such distinguished, dignified demagogues.

Related Links:
INDIAN EXPRESS: Of the few, by the few
VANTAGE POINT: On Anna Hazare and Fasting
OPEN: The Anna Hazare Show
YAHOO: Where Anna Hazare Gets It All Wrong