A Tale of Two Revolutions

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


(Picture courtesy samvada.org)
In the year 2011, a sizeable percentage of Indian population woke up from a deep slumber not because an army of termites had eaten away the couch they were sleeping on, but from the drum beats of Anna Hazare’s managers.

The managers specifically targeted the sociable Facebookers, Baba Ramdev’s simple followers, and Sri Sri’s suave breathers. All of them except a tiny minority instantly fell in love with Anna. In other words, Anna ki lagan was bujhaye na bane for many, and lagaye na lage for a few. He was an adorable affable old man, always saying nice things, and ready to sit on hunger strike for good causes.

Together they upped the ante of beating drums to kill the termites that were eating away the frame of the nation. They also wanted to wake up the parliamentarians to make a Lokpal Sword (Lokpal means protector of the people in Sanskrit) that would kill the pig-sized termites owned by the very same parliamentarians—a tough job indeed. In 2011, Anna fasted for five days in April, and for twelve days in August. At the end of both the fasts, Anna was declared victorious against the termites.

Many Annaphiles and Annaphobes believed that Team Anna wanted to kill the termites with only two methods—drum beats and Lokpal Sword. Hence they continuously crossed verbal swords with each other instead of targeting their common enemy, the termites.

Team Anna was made up of intelligent people, barring some dhongi babas and gurus. But I guess, their support was necessary to bring maximum people into the fold, as Indians had been conditioned to revere all types of dhongi babas.

When the 2014 parliamentary elections were declared, Team Anna relentlessly campaigned for the candidates who agreed to make very strong Lokpal Sword. This event became a turning point in Indian history.

After the elections, the coalition government unanimously elected the adorable Anna as President of India. And then, both the houses, without any delay, produced and sanctioned the use of the anti-termite sword also known as the Lokpal Bill.

The Lokpal members or the sword-wielders now started disbursing instant justice. At first, all the ill-gotten money—whether hidden at homes, in bank lockers, or in Swiss banks—was acquired by the government.

And then punishments were awarded according to the magnitude of crimes:

1. People who had made illegal transactions in crores of rupees were deported to a horror island full of ghosts, demons, snakes, lizards, and tigers.

2. Those who had indulged in frauds amounting to lakhs of rupees were dispatched around the world to fight the religious fundamentalists.

3. Rest of the people whose crimes fell in the category of less than one lakh rupees were allowed to stay at their homes, but publicly received as many numbers of lashes.

All these measures were quite effective in punishing the termite owners. But the termite population did not decrease as people continued to feed them on the sly. Moreover many innocents were inadvertently punished along with the corrupt ones. Even the family members of the corrupt ones mourned their misfortune, “Corrupt the to kya hua, the to hamare papa hi. After all he was our papa. Whatever he did, he did for our family. He was a selfless person. He also donated regularly to temples and orphanages.”

Eventually, people got tired of the punishments. Disappointment and disenchantment began to seep into the national psyche just as soot would collect on the trees in Delhi. People craved for their freedom and lifestyle of yore.

At the end of 2017, just like the first rain of the season that washes away the soot, a new savior appeared on the TV and computer screens. She promised to fix the termite problem without harsh punishments.

The lady had been working for the emancipation of Indian women for a long time. But now she pledged her life to eliminate the hardships encountered by the common people. An intelligent team of graduates from IITs and IIMs drafted a revolution complete with a highly effective media campaign for her and persuaded her to sit on a hunger strike to demand the dismissal of the draconian Lokpal Bill.

She agreed as she also wanted to lose weight for her next music video. Crowds surged on the streets of Delhi and everywhere else too. People started wearing two-piece bikinis over their usual attire to support the new superstar savior. The bikinis were inscribed with, “I am Rakhi Sawant.”

***


“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

33 comments:

  1. That was a brilliant one Giribala Just couldn't stop smiling at the image of Rakhi Sawant sitting on hunger strike with bikini clad supporters LOL Now why is everyone after the poor item girl? After all, isn't she she the Item no 1?

    ReplyDelete
  2. He he... thank god you didn't chastise me :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. hehehe.. Nicely written..
    well.. For me.. I never supported anna.. However.. The concept of rakhi and bikini supporters was hilarious ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Already a big fan of yours :) :)
    A superb post...loved it..
    Keep writing :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nice read.....The Rakhi part was hilarious!!
    Thank you for the article

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautifully described the political scenario of the country.New environment will definitely yield good results.Thank you for good composition..

    ReplyDelete
  7. I tried my hands on satire for the first time.
    Kindly give it a read.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Giribala predicts ghor Kalyug. And I"ll prefer death to seeing Ms Sawant as the new age saviour.

    And you sure packed in a punch in this wicked write-up.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Outright hilarious, Rakhi upstaging Anna in 2017, too late for nautanki queen when in fourties. gr8 writing..........

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Naman: Thanks for the nice words :-)

    @SINS: Thanks!

    @Purba: Ms Sawant's followers will call you a traitor and anti-India and all that....

    @Sanjay: Thanks for reading!!! There's a lot of nautanki in politics, so I guess she will be a perfect candidate :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Funny...ran through a number of female names in my mind before I got to the conclusion and then was pleasantly stumped with Rani :)) Hilarious yet cutting edge :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. In my comment, I mean Rakhi, not Rani...just my typo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Em, I'd want more young people to take action by then, Rakhi ko koi ja kar ke bolo ke unki umar ab guzar chali hai, maala japo. :P

    There will always be some catch in every term they right. The language, and it's flaws.

    Nice post, a sneak peek into the future.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks Sangeeta!!

    @Anshul: Sexism alert!! Give a 'mala' to all the old men, especially to those who are in politics and Bollywood! Women never get old, they only get wiser :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Brilliant ma'am.

    Perhaps, you should also fame a Lokpal draft; your version. Send it to Anna ji and who knows we might get to see some classy amendments in current structure of Lokpal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great article, written in your own inimitable style :) Always a delight to read your satirical commentaries. That said, why just look at the dhongi babas and Team Anna as a new phenomenon. Nautanki has always been part of our culture and politics in different forms. Think back on our leaders from the past and you'll see what I mean. Only this time it took the form of Ram Lilas on stages. To be honest, if it takes nautanki & corniness to keep the termites away, I am all for it.

    Ummm, Rakhi ... I am not too sure :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Prateek: That's a good idea. I should draft my Lokpal Bill. I will suggest free boarding , lodging, and monetary allowances for writers and artists in it!

    @Sanjay: What you said is perfectly right. Nautanki is necessary to connect with common people. Let's hope Team Anna keeps educating the masses against the evils of corruption! Keep up the spirit.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have support for Anna all the way

    ReplyDelete
  19. Why you have targeted poor termites and spared roaches and blood sucking bats?

    ReplyDelete
  20. @Chowlaji: Anna is such a lucky person!

    @Rajesh: Roaches and blood-sucking bats are nothing compared to the insidious termites! They will eat away your entire house if you don't take precautions!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Applause, this is one of your best I have read....and I almost missed it.Better late than never.
    ABSOLUTELY loved the wit, the sarcasm and the satire.

    ReplyDelete
  22. so you too turned future predictor :-) nice one though

    ReplyDelete
  23. Now why didn't I read this earlier? Indians had been conditioned to revere all types of dhongi babas.- So true. Well atleast it's "I am Rakhi Sawant" and not "I am Poonam Pandey".

    ReplyDelete
  24. Very well written.
    Please include a clause in your Lokpal Bill which will ask govt to pay DA for one Hindi blogger. I am not asking for Bloggers..just one Hindi blogger:-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Harsh: Yeah, sometimes I dabble in that too.... Thanks for reading and the RT :-)

    @Samadrita: Poonam Pandey who? Ok, let me google....

    @Shiv: Thanks!! I cannot be so selfish and unreasonable, that too when I am not blogging regularly in Hindi: द ग्रिस्ट मिल – आटा चक्की

    ReplyDelete
  26. A nice flight of fancy! Liked your post.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks Rahul!! Keep visiting :-)

    ReplyDelete
  28. See, they say, an enemy's enemy is a friend? Right? The termites are becoming such a nuisance, most people are willing to tolerate even dhongi babas. And the termites seem to dread Anna.

    ReplyDelete
  29. IHM, yes many people are willing to tolerate the babas, more so because they bring with them their multitude of followers and seem less harmful...

    ReplyDelete
  30. i just came across your blog! really liked your posts:)keep writing more...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! Keep visiting the blog :-)

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...