Stop Domestic Abuse

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Who loves well, punishes well
This is important. Domestic abuse should be condemned in strong words. It is an epidemic. According to one study only 1% of all domestic abuse is reported to the police. The reasons behind this underreporting could be that either people want to maintain the façade of pride and honor of their families, or they become so habitual that they consider it a normal behavior

Before I started writing this post, I used to think domestic abuse meant abusing domestic animals. I had read about them in primary school, and every year from 1st to 5th standard, I always got full marks in exams for the essay “The Cow” until it was replaced with “Independence Day” in middle school. That was the time when my percentage dropped drastically. But none of the essays had any mention of abuse. Thus to research this topic, my first step was to find out the definitions of the words domestic and abuse.

Domestic: of or pertaining to the home, the household, household affairs, or the family: domestic pleasures
Abuse: to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.

Gosh, I was completely off the track. Really, English is such a confusing language that, sometimes, what we infer from a word, a phrase or a sentence turns out to be completely opposite of what it means.

At least, now I understand what domestic abuse means, and once again I condemn it in the strongest words. If you want to make this world a better place you have to begin from your own home, because the world is a collection of homes. I urge all of you to stop domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse, as I realize now, means not caring for your home, keeping it dirty, letting the kids mess up things, not mending the broken walls and windows, not fixing the leaking taps, letting mold, fungus, and garbage pile up in the rooms. This is absolutely detestable, unacceptable, and unpardonable.

You should learn to love, care, and respect your home and all the household items including the idols of God, showpieces, kitchenware, appliances, furniture, etc. If your spouse or children misuse any of these, give them a dressing-down or a sound beating to teach them a lesson or two in love and respect. After all, as a master or a mistress of the house, you need to maintain power and control on all your family members, especially on your spouse because the kids will then automatically toe the line.

There are two methods to keep your spouses under your spell or under your thumb. Follow either of these to contain them, retain them, and prevent them from growing wings.

The first method is to buy them expensive gifts and flowers and praise them once or twice a year.

In the second method, you have to always find fault with them, humiliate them, intimidate them, and blame them for all the minor and major mishaps. You may like this method better as it doesn't require you to spend anything.

Follow either of these two means, but the end should be the same—to make sure your spouse and kids are always dependent on you for all their needs and decisions. Never let them realize their strength and potential. Never let them feel happy or content. If you do so, you will lose power and control and won’t be able to stop the abuse of your home or household objects.

In your mission to stop domestic abuse, your family members might be inflicted with physical disabilities or psychological problems, but that is a small price in the larger scheme of things. Family members are mere mortals. When they die, all their problems will be gone with them. On the other hand, you have different fingers—gotcha—this is an old joke, by Jack Handey.

Now seriously, on the other hand, the benefits are extraordinary in a variety of ways. Your kids will depend on you for as long as you want, giving you immense joy and satisfaction, and if they ever get married they will become good spouse-beaters, child-beaters, and better control freaks. Your house and the household objects that you handle with extreme love and care will carry on your legacy for many generations to come.

Here is a lengthy entry in Wikipedia on domestic abuse. I ain’t got no time to go the whole hog. I just skimmed it to find if our great country India was mentioned in it and I wasn't disappointed..

At one place it says, “Unofficial statistics estimate that 97% of Indian women experience violence at some point in their lives.” What rubbish! There seems to be a global conspiracy going on against us. They have deliberately left out the 3% to show us in poor light.

Please excuse my digression and let’s get back to the topic. Forget about Mera Bharat Mahan type of nationalism and regionalism and factionalism for a while, and consider the whole world and its problems as our own, and for the sake of humanity, stop domestic abuse.

Picture: An illustration from JJ Grandville's Les cent proverbs captioned "Qui aime bien châtie bien" (Who loves well, punishes well), showing a man spanking a child, and another beating his wife (Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons)


  1. That was an irreversible bheja fry. I'm going to put that in practice effective today!

  2. It is about power and exercising control over spouse by instilling fear.All this is happening to someone very close and dear to me .She refuses to report as her parents want her to adjust for the sake of kids.

  3. You almost make abuse sound enticing and it reads like a guide for potential abusers :D

  4. Any house with me in it is ripe for domestic abuse!

  5. hehe. read sumthin d odr day day. here's hw it goes-

    'if u love sumthin, set it free.
    if it cums baq it wil always be urs.
    if it dusn cum baq, it wasn urs to begin wid.
    but, if it jus sits in ur livin room, messes up ur stuf, eats ur food, uses ur telephone, takes ur money n dusn appear to realise dat u had set it eider married it or gave birth to it.'

  6. From this post, it seems I'm one of the most notorious domestic abusers of all times. Barring my own room and things, I've never contributed in any way to keeping things in order or dusting or cleaning. Hey but in my defence, mom never even tried to offer me incentives in the form of gifts or flowers.

  7. done!!i am gonna trash up my wife and kids(when i have them)

  8. You have not mentioned one thing :Domestic abuse is not gender specific, meaning the victim is always the woman but she forms the majority. Like Purba says, your post is a 'how-to' on domestic abuse :P

  9. So this makes me a strong abuser. Err
    A self note: Must not let mother to read this. *Clear History*

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  11. Thank you all for reading and for the intelligent inferences!! I hope Human Rights folks don't come after me.
    Here more on the same topic. It tells you "how to beat your wife," but you can use the same tactics to beat your husband as well:
    YouTube: How to beat your wife

  12. Well, what can I say? Our beloved politicians have always inspired me when it comes to reacting to sensitive things.
    So following suit, 'I very much condemn the atrocities that the Indian women have to go through. My special condolences to the left out 3% who have been victimized by virtue of seclusion. There should be a full fledged inquiry in this regards, there would be a committee too.'

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  13. Does Husband beating too fall under domestic abuse?

  14. Hello giribala,

    came across your blog through bloggers FB group, loved your blog totally, very slickly written, and the crisp humor is too good. You've got a follower... :D

  15. @Anshul: you are on the right track!
    @Chowlaji: Of course, yes! He is also a domestic animal...
    @AAD: Good to hear from you and nice knowing you :-)

  16. Hey you can call me Anjali, giribala...and nice to know you as well... :-)

  17. What an insightful writing Giribala...looks like you are on a mission these days for eradicating Domestic Violence...Some ppl do it by reverse psychology too...And I think you have a strong hold on human 'psychi'

  18. Are you serious? Cut down few paragraphs :) by the way domestic violence is as old as domestication of dogs by human beings. But yes i agree we need to look ahead :)

  19. I liked how you shed light on the idea that keeping people dependent on you is a kind of abuse in itself. Abuse will stop when the abusees are empowered enough to resist abuse and to terminate relationships when the abuser doesn't desist. This is a long term goal in totality.

    Physical abuse though is in another category itself. People should be a little more vigilant and report more of these cases. No more of that "whatever is between a man and a woman is between them" attitude. Violence cannot possibly be a part of a free society.

  20. Very straight forward message it is and perfect guidelines. I sure agree with you and had this on mind when I witnessed a case of domestic abuse wherein the housekeeper was abused by the family. Then I had studied this entire topic and am glad to read your post today. Overall meaning is well put in nicely.

  21. Domestic abuse! Ooh, can't wait to get married!

  22. Thanks Anjali, Sangeeta, liberalcynic, and Sush!!!

    @Harsh: Cut down? Are you suggesting violence on the blog too? Thanks for the share :-)

    @Jayanth: Actually, you don't have to wait :-)

  23. //
    There are two methods to keep your spouses under your spell or under your thumb. Follow either of these to contain them, retain them, and prevent them from growing wings.

    The first method is to buy them expensive gifts and flowers and praise them once or twice a year.//

    This kind of abuse is often not even seen as abuse.

  24. @IHM, yes, there are many unsuspecting victims....

  25. This post from you is a no surprise :)

  26. Good one.
    It's important. Has to be stopped.

  27. Hey, I'm new to your blog and just started to read a few posts. You're sense of humour is great and had me lol'ing quite a few times. Nice to see you bring out serious issues, discussing them with humour but also putting the point across. Good job!

  28. Thanks Jani!!

    Thanks Shiv!!!

    Thanks Sumitra!! I am glad that you liked my writing! Keep in touch :-)

  29. Every article of yours makes me go double with laughter ... what an amazing sense of humour you have !! Reading you is refreshing . Love your subtle sarcasm :)


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