The Grist Mill Criminal Of The Year 2010: Julian Assange

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Julian Assange (Digitally Altered Image)
The Grist Mill Criminal of the Year award goes to Mr. Julian Assange, the editor in chief of WikiLeaks, for criminalizing the whole world.

We had been living out peaceful lives, baking bread for our families, doing bhajan-keertan or saying prayers, and teaching ABCs to the kids in our grand living room, when suddenly this specter of transparency begins to sweep out dirt from beneath the furniture and starts dropping cobwebs from the ceiling. I can’t even breathe now since I am allergic to dust.

You might have already read about his sex crimes in detail. Here are the outlines of some of his more heinous crimes since the foundation of WikiLeaks in 2006:

1. He published material about extra-judicial killings in Kenya for which the other anarchist organization, the so-called Amnesty International, gave him Media Award in 2009. By publishing this report, he tarnished the image of Kenyan politicians and police.

2. He ousted the closely guarded secret about toxic waste dumping on African coasts by a shipping company called Trafigura Beheer BV, which caused 17 deaths and over 30,000 injuries. The company’s executives tried to suppress the morbid news to avoid burdening the whole world with grief, but WikiLeaks thwarted their efforts.

3. Horror of horrors! He published Church of Scientology manual. This was a criminal act of the highest order. What if someone plagiarized the manual and started another cult organization named Church of Physictology?

4. He also published the operating procedure manual of Guantanamo Bay, a controversial detainment facility established in 2002 by the Bush Administration to hold detainees from the war in Afghanistan and Iraq.

5. WikiLeaks posted financial documents disclosing tax evasions by Bank Julius Baer's clients.

6. He also wants to show us how people are killed in wars by releasing hundreds of thousands of documents about Iraq and Afghan war. He claims that our holy war against terror in which hundreds of thousands of people are killed and even more are maimed for life, is illegal. We don’t want to hear such disturbing news. He has made our lives hell by disclosing the nexus between the Governments and corporations by releasing the diplomatic cables.

Now he plans to release information about unethical practices of some major banks. We will not have peace on this earth until this criminal is gagged. Oh Bhagwan Sathya Sai Baba, please do something about him so that we continue teaching ABCs to our kids in peace, and when they become proficient in reading, teach them not to read things like WikiLeaks.

Watch the master criminal being applauded by the members of his cult in this video:



This article was originally written for 21fools, an online magazine.

24 comments:

  1. Ma'am with charges like these shouldn't he be hang till death!?!

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  2. Yes Prateek and Patrix... we need to hide in bunkers to save ourselves from such news!!

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  3. In fact he should be given highest civilian honor US can give to a person. With all the leaks of foul, hurting but also true comments, American foreign policy has emerged as pragmatic, intelligent rational and even humane.

    People and even countries always wondered that behind those thick embassy walls American always conspired and had a very different and at time dangerous agenda. Leaks by this so called crusader has made those walls bit transparent and the picture behind is not so bad. I wonder if Assange is working for US state department.

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  4. OK..I think it is time to contact "Wiley" or "Crown" and cash out the exellent work you do. I should get my endorsement and encouragement fee;))

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  5. "...when suddenly this specter of transparency begins to sweep out dirt from beneath the furniture and starts dropping cobwebs from the ceiling..."

    I doubt anyone in this whole world, writing about WikiLeaks, has expressed this fact as smartly and aptly as you have!

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  6. @Rajesh: It's time the state department took credit for the crusades :-)
    @Nabeel: Thanks for the endorsement and encouragement :-)
    @Tanay: Big words! Thanks!

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  7. Started the year with a bang with this crackling post! And the ridiculous charges they have cooked up against him. So much for taking the lid off the ugly!

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  8. Thank god for this informative post...had had enough of posts about personal ramblings. Very informative.

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  9. Brilliant post in your humorous, inimitable style. Satire is the best form of criticism. Has anyone said this before or else I can pass this off as my quote :D Happy new year to you. :) 21fools is awesome! PS: you spell spectre as specter? You are American! :D :D

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  10. This one had me cracking up! My first footprint on your blog really...but I have got to bookmark it... Satire really makes my day :)

    ~Sanz
    http://sanz360.wordpress.com/

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  11. Off with his head!

    The man deserves to be drawn and quartered, for upsetting the status quo in our degenerate society!

    PS: I see a potential meme in the making, (wrt the picture)...or has it spread already? :)

    Time to put Photoshop to good use. :D

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  12. @Purba: You found it crackling....me happy :-)
    @Alka: Thanks!
    @Ajay: I am always open to suggestions and MS Word keeps on suggesting spellings....
    @Sanz: welcome :-)
    @Rindo: No off with his head. I put that head in the picture with great effort :-/

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  13. Guess every hero has to be almost burnt. Who wants a hero without scars?

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  14. Came first time here... Very impressed...
    Now i will be regular...

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  15. @Vishesh, @Sushant: Welcome to The Grist Mill! Keep visiting :-)

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  16. Assange deservedly takes the crown for exposing closely guarded secrets

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  17. It is for the first time that the Sun has risen in the West.

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  18. I like him, atlast there is one person who is doing what i wanted to do all these years, but me too small (with regards to status and links i meant), people are cheating us and someone has kept it in front of public! this you call crime? I really dont get it ..!

    thehelka has come out with 17 member blackmoney list? do they also fall into same list I mean Assange-II?

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  19. p.s. giribala@ you are too good a writer and the best blog i have ever seen.

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    above comment should be taken as a healthy debate, its my opinion only !
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  20. @whymeGOD: This article is in support of Mr Julian Assange. This type of writing is called satire.
    Thanks for reading and saying nice words :-)

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  21. @Sanjeev: True. Thanks for your visit!
    @Neeraj: Thanks :-)

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  22. giribala, O god!!! YOu made me look so dumb :-(
    I spend atleast half of my day readin satire websites, even i came here through FN, but i missed it this time, i know its a satire blog, but sounded too real :( sorry ma...
    Long Live Assange and Giribala, me too... LOL

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  23. @whymeGod?: Never mind. It happens. It's not totally your fault.... Thanks for the wishes :-)

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