Dear All,
You are invited to a prayer ceremony at our house on next Saturday. We will chant mantras, read the katha, sing bhajans and arti, and then have prasadam. Please arrive before 6:30 pm and make sure that you spend the day in piety.
Thank you,
Binodini Pandey
My sister, Binodini, has sent this invitation to all our Indian friends in the neighborhood. She said that she felt obliged to host a puja after attending such functions at everyone else’s home, and that she wanted to “return the favor.”
Being a deeply religious person, I have been attending those functions too. I enjoy the food, the gossip, and the total suspension of reason at such events, but lately they have become bothersome, especially when the organizers do not allow me to sing.
The Satyanarayana vrata katha, Sunder Kand pathh, Santoshi Ma or Vaibhav Laxmi vrata udyapan are rather too predictable. Mata ki chauki and Sai bhajans are too jarring for my delicate sensibilities. Ever since God decided that I should become a writer, He has made me extra sensitive. These days, I cannot tolerate loud music or out-of-tune singers besides bright lights, strong smells, harsh words, and extreme heat or cold.
If Binodini’s function is a success, I might also go for it. I have been thinking of having some sort of gathering at my place for a long time.
Binodini wants me to be the chief conductor of the puja because she knows that even if she appoints someone else, ultimately I will lay siege to the mike. She has sent me the following literature to update me, so that I deliver it without any glitch.
In prison, Gill started chanting the Unicorn mantra. As a result, the Goddess became happy and bestowed luck and fortune on him.
Gill Bates started to witness success in every project that he undertook. Despite being earnestly involved in expanding his business, he never forgot to chant his daily mantras. By Ma’s blessings, within the next 20 years, his business flourished and he also found his Leelawati. They had a daughter and the family lived happily in a 66,000 sq. ft. estate, which had a 60-foot swimming pool with an underwater music system, as well as a 2500 sq. ft. gym and a 1000 sq. ft. dining room.
One morning Gill’s two-year-old daughter became extremely cranky. It was a trick played by a rival Goddess. That day Gill forgot to chant the mantras before leaving for work. Ma Unicorn unleashed her fury by getting his company embroiled in an anti-trust litigation.
Gill realized his mistake and decided in his heart that he would hold a prayer ceremony at his home. The simple and benevolent Ma became happy at his promise. And after Gill conducted the puja, Ma blessed him with a son and another daughter, and made him the richest person on the earth. Oh Mother Unicorn, as you helped Gill Bates, please help us too.
This is a part of what Binodini has sent me. She has also asked me to compose bhajans to the tune of popular Bollywood songs. Sounds good!
“Munni badnaam hui, darling tere liye ” will now become, “Main to deevani hui, Unicorn tere liye.”
You are invited to a prayer ceremony at our house on next Saturday. We will chant mantras, read the katha, sing bhajans and arti, and then have prasadam. Please arrive before 6:30 pm and make sure that you spend the day in piety.
Thank you,
Binodini Pandey
My sister, Binodini, has sent this invitation to all our Indian friends in the neighborhood. She said that she felt obliged to host a puja after attending such functions at everyone else’s home, and that she wanted to “return the favor.”
Being a deeply religious person, I have been attending those functions too. I enjoy the food, the gossip, and the total suspension of reason at such events, but lately they have become bothersome, especially when the organizers do not allow me to sing.
The Satyanarayana vrata katha, Sunder Kand pathh, Santoshi Ma or Vaibhav Laxmi vrata udyapan are rather too predictable. Mata ki chauki and Sai bhajans are too jarring for my delicate sensibilities. Ever since God decided that I should become a writer, He has made me extra sensitive. These days, I cannot tolerate loud music or out-of-tune singers besides bright lights, strong smells, harsh words, and extreme heat or cold.
If Binodini’s function is a success, I might also go for it. I have been thinking of having some sort of gathering at my place for a long time.
Binodini wants me to be the chief conductor of the puja because she knows that even if she appoints someone else, ultimately I will lay siege to the mike. She has sent me the following literature to update me, so that I deliver it without any glitch.
Chant: The Goddess Mantra
Oh omnipotent, omnipresent Goddess Unicorn,
The giver of happiness, annihilator of sorrows,
Guide us, inspire us, enlighten us to serve better,
May we find happiness in servitude forever.
Katha: The story of Goddess Unicorn (Abridged version)
Once upon a time there was a man named Gill Bates. His parents were devout followers of Ma Unicorn, but the young Gill made fun of their beliefs. Ma Unicorn punished him by getting him arrested for traffic violation. |
| Unrelated picture of Bill Gates (Courtesy Wikimedia Commons) |
Gill Bates started to witness success in every project that he undertook. Despite being earnestly involved in expanding his business, he never forgot to chant his daily mantras. By Ma’s blessings, within the next 20 years, his business flourished and he also found his Leelawati. They had a daughter and the family lived happily in a 66,000 sq. ft. estate, which had a 60-foot swimming pool with an underwater music system, as well as a 2500 sq. ft. gym and a 1000 sq. ft. dining room.
One morning Gill’s two-year-old daughter became extremely cranky. It was a trick played by a rival Goddess. That day Gill forgot to chant the mantras before leaving for work. Ma Unicorn unleashed her fury by getting his company embroiled in an anti-trust litigation.
Gill realized his mistake and decided in his heart that he would hold a prayer ceremony at his home. The simple and benevolent Ma became happy at his promise. And after Gill conducted the puja, Ma blessed him with a son and another daughter, and made him the richest person on the earth. Oh Mother Unicorn, as you helped Gill Bates, please help us too.
 |
| Again an unrelated picture of Bill Gates (Courtesy ChrisD.ca) |
Whoever reads this story with absolute devotion will find success and happiness in this life.
~ The End ~
 |
| Goddess Invisible Pink Unicorn (Courtesy Wikimedia Commons) |
Ma ki Arti: The Prayer
Om jai Ma Unicorn, all hail Ma Unicorn,
Who keeps away the troubles of her servants,
Who keeps away the tensions of her devotees,
And helps us whenever we are forlorn,
All hail Ma Unicorn….
This is a part of what Binodini has sent me. She has also asked me to compose bhajans to the tune of popular Bollywood songs. Sounds good!
“Munni badnaam hui, darling tere liye ” will now become, “Main to deevani hui, Unicorn tere liye.”
Hey thanks for sharing the Maa Unicorns first chapter. I think there more than one around 5 if i am not wrong. Can u please help me from coming out of my miseries and be rich like bill by reading all 5 chapters and fasting once a month.. Thanks in advance.
ReplyDeleteOMG! U really can come up with something as interstingly trivial as this ;)
ReplyDeletegud read...thnx for sharing ur speech :)
I am not sure if God created us, but I am sure Man has created God.
ReplyDeleteAbout the Puja, we pray for our fear, desire, greed and ego than anything else. And sometime those very traits make some people successful too.
Interesting read and funny
ReplyDeleteMay maa Unicorn bestow upon you enormous wealth for spreading her teachings and help you overtake the likes of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet by pouring humongous visitors to this blog:)
@Harsh: So you already know about the five chapters and fasting once a month! Thats cool!
ReplyDelete@rt: thanks :-)
@Rajesh: Yeah, they make people successful, but only sometimes not always.
@CMD: Thanks for the wishes :-)
A delightfully wicked post. Maa jee will be maha pleased and might grant you a boon or two.
ReplyDeleteI strongly disapprove of blasphemy, Giribala Aunty :P
ReplyDelete@Purba: With Maa Jee's kripa, I have been leading a blissful life!
ReplyDelete@Ashish: Me too, Kiddo. I disapprove of blasphemy too. I respect everyone else's faith and expect them to respect mine.
Hi Giri
ReplyDeleteI want to add two or three cents into this Gill and ma Unicorn's story.
Every human being needs some positive energies for the life to live,like determination to do some work, strong mind to handle the public relations, satisfaction in what u have with u and energy to gain what u want for future. Ma unicorn, mata ki chauki and sunderkand paath gives u the positive energies in a manner u want. Like::: 1.If one wants to enjoy the gossip so they get friends over there, If some one wants a food, delicious food is always there,ladies can dress as heavy they want... So, my meaning is that everybody is happy as happy as in other social parties.But once everybody gets the happiness with their own ways they feel more energetic and they can live life better.
In my sense, chanting mantra and doing pooja is just for your own peace of mind. People do parties for their happiness, they do face painting,call the clowns cut the cakes(which evrybody refuses to take),but after some time every body will feel bored, host feels tired but think about smiles that kids have....So that
is positive energy..
In your story, same thing happened with Gill Bates he collects his energy, and prepared himself for his business and do the things with extra efforts and extra energies...
So, Beliefs are different but everybody wants positive results so everyone follows the way they feel convenient, interesting and fruitful.
Believe or non believe both are a part of one coin.
Here is one saying that people used to say in punjab
Ram naam da gidha chay putha chay sidha.
Means If u chant "Ram Ram Ram or Mara mara mara"
and u r chanting with good intentions it will give u the same effect...
Sorry Giri if I wrote something that u don't like.But this is the thing I really like to discuss with friends...
Nice, interesting and debatable topic
'... the total suspension of reason at such events' :-) I am seriously considering using the Pink Unicorn as my mainstay logo everywhere, not be be 'cool' or anything but because it makes a lot of sense.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't get the humor in the article :(
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit here .Will return soon and I am following you now.
ReplyDelete@Anchal: That is a good interpretation!
ReplyDelete@Deb: I know you want to look a cool intellectual :-)
@Ajay: There is no humor:-/ It's a serious article. Our ancestors have left a vast array of religious myths for us. This is a small addition to it.
@Mr.Chowla: Welcome and thanks for your visit!!
I make fun of Religion, Gods and beliefs too, am I next? :D
ReplyDeleteA message punched with humor! Like! Like! :)
So very amusing!:) Liked this post much:) U used all current 'popularisms'= loved the munni ending:)
ReplyDeletesarcasam again lmao
ReplyDeleteGiribala
ReplyDeleteThis was really cool..
The latest flavour at our end are the "Teej Parties" & thanks to all hindi serials for inspiring all !!
Really Great! Thoroughly enjoyed it.First timer too and would love to read more "food for thought" bolgs. I too have attended so many such "Pujas" and if they give comfort to someone, Great , more power to them......
ReplyDelete@Sourav: You mean you could be the next Gill Bates?
ReplyDelete@Mee, @Mithun: Thanks for your visit!
@Udaye: Looks like I am missing all the Teej parties.
@Roochu: Welcome!! Nice to hear from you. I try to write one article every week. For regular updates add me on Facebook and also join The Grist Mill page.
Hey! Good read, but had read this long back in women's magzine called Sarita. They use to carry lot of stuff on debunking Vratas. Varsha Joshi and Preetam Pal had done an academic paper on Vrata Kathas.
ReplyDeleteKeep them coming...
Peace,
Desi Girl
Hello Desi Girl, Welcome to The Grist Mill!! But I had never sent this article to Sarita. If you have any knowledge about folks at Sarita or elsewhere copying my work, please share the details. I will see what I can do besides invoking Ma Unicorn.
ReplyDeleteIt was in late 1980s and early 1990s.Joshi and Pal collaborated in 1995 I guess. So you don't have to worry. This critique of Vrata kathas and other Hindu orthodox and superstitions is a very old trend with Sarita. My favorite use to be the SatyaNarayan Vrata Katha and the Karva Chauth story the maid becomes the queen and the queen becomes the maid. HA HA...
ReplyDeletePeace,
Desi Girl
Hi,
ReplyDeleteWhy cant we spend this time doing more valuable stuff as looking at what the traditions and rituals actually mean and their significance..why did they come about in the first place..why dont we have a more positive outlook towards our own religion rather than a sarcastic one? Religion is a belief and the rituals followed are very personal..i dont think it is right to mock someone's emotions/belief..
Dear Annonymous, thanks for reading and taking out time to comment! I appreciate your polite way of protest.
ReplyDeleteI have spent enough time in finding out any value or significance in such antiquated traditions and come to the conclusion that these traditions and rituals are extremely harmful as they keep the society backward and corrupt.
They make people dumb and insensitive towards other human beings. They are especially detrimental to women in general. Instead of encouraging people to work reasonably towards a goal, many vratas promise to fulfill all desires.
My only mission in life is to write against superstitions and injustice and leave this world a slightly better place.
So please forgive me if I had hurt your sentiments. Most of my close friends are highly religious. Many of them observe Vaibhav Lakshmi Vrata. We don't let our beliefs come in the way of our friendship.
Do read other articles as well. I am sure you will enjoy reading them. Thanks again :-)
God always remains anonymous :)
ReplyDeleteNow I know who sends me all those email forwards with dire warnings and assured rewards. Rich rewards assured if the email is forwarded to more than 20 friends, one wish fulfilled within 24 hours for spamming more than 30 trusting friends...
ReplyDelete