Friends, the edifice of patriarchal tradition in India is getting severe jolts these days from the new generation of girls and women who have become too forward and free-thinking to be controlled by their parents or in-laws. The equal-rights activists, also known as feminists have been hell bent at digging the foundation of our magnificent monument of male dominion. The good old patriarchs, who have always been the providers and protectors of women, children, and other cattle are now accused of engendering rape and violence against women. After every rape or sexual-harassment incident the feminists come out in droves like bees and start attacking the benevolent grandfathers, fathers, brothers, and husbands, who for centuries have kept their women undereducated and under surveillance so that they dutifully washed their underwear.
It looks like these feminists' sole agenda is to deprive our patriarchs of clean underwear. Don't they understand how stinky our nation will become if all the females were allowed to decide their own destinies? I mean, what if a wife declined to wash her husband's and his family members' underwear? The husband would not even dare to slap or shout at his wife because the feminists would then approach the police to book him for domestic violence.
All of us traditional people, whether men or women, need to stand against these feminists, otherwise they will make our macho men effeminate, who will then have to plead and request if they ever wanted their underwear to be washed. They will be required to practice saying 'please' and 'thank you', and become courteous. Most agonizingly, they will have to learn the terms of endearment if they ever want to have sex. All this could solve the rape crisis because in such a horrifically well-mannered society if a man had an urge to rape a woman, he would approach her and ask in most polite and respectful manner, "Madam, please, may I rape you?" and if the woman said, "No," he would not bother her anymore.
Do we want to pay such a heavy price of vaccinating our menfolk with the serum of politeness to strip them of their machismo, mardangee--just to stop rape and violence? No way. Do we want to give women control over their own lives, over their own bodies and sexuality? No way.
Such a scenario would be a nightmare not only for ordinary men, but also for Bollywood filmmakers. Because in every hit or flop masala movie the hero harasses the heroine to win her affections besides saving her from the harassing goons. The entire industry earns its bread and butter from the glorification of sexual harassment.
I sincerely hope that following our glorious traditions, the elders at home and the society at large will continue to decide how often and at what times a woman would step out of her house, what clothes she would wear, and most importantly who would have sex--consensual or forced--with her.
In our fight to keep this institution of patriarchy alive and aloft, we have been fortunate to have the continuous support of common people as well as the backing of most of the political and religious leaders. I am happy to say that when it comes to preserving patriarchy and women subjugation, most of the people are united for this noble cause despite their different caste, class, profession or religious or political affiliations. Let us honor some of the great retro-visionaries for their exemplary public utterances in support of patriarchy and misogyny.
The Grist Mill takes this opportunity to honor many more luminaries for their outstanding support for this cause:
BJP's Prime Ministerial Candidate Narendra Modi on Sunanda Tharoor: "Is desh mein kaabhi kisi ne 50 crore ki girlfriend dekhi hai? (Has anyone seen a ₹ 50-crore girlfriend in this country?)"
Congress Leader Digvijay Singh: "Arvind Kejriwal is like Rakhi Sawant. Both try to expose, but no substance."
Congress MP Sriprakash Jaiswal: "Jaise jaise samay beet-ta hai, patni purani hoti chali jati hai....wo maza nahin rehta hai."
Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde to Jaya Bachchan in parliament: Suno meri behen, ye chinta ka vishay hai, ye film ka vishay nahin hai..."
Congress Leader Botsa Satyanarayana: "Women shouldn't roam the streets at night just because we got independence at midnight."
Union Minister Valayar Ravi to a female journalist: Do you have anything personal against Kurien? Did anything happen between you and him?"
MP Minister Vijayvargiya: "If women cross Lakshmanrekha, there will be consequences."
Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar on Park Street Rape: "It was a misunderstanding between the lady and her clients."
NCW Chief Mamta Sharma: "Boys make comments on girls, terming them sexy, but sexy means beautiful and charming."
Delhi CM Sheila Dikshit's message to girls: "... you should not be so adventurous."
JD(U) Chief Sharad Yadav: "Kaun hai hum me se jisne peechha nahi kiya hai. Aur jab mahila se baat karni hoti hai tab pahal mahila nahi karti hai, pahal toh hamein hi karna hoti hai. (We have all stalked (women). And you have to take the first step when you want to speak to a woman.)"
It looks like these feminists' sole agenda is to deprive our patriarchs of clean underwear. Don't they understand how stinky our nation will become if all the females were allowed to decide their own destinies? I mean, what if a wife declined to wash her husband's and his family members' underwear? The husband would not even dare to slap or shout at his wife because the feminists would then approach the police to book him for domestic violence.
All of us traditional people, whether men or women, need to stand against these feminists, otherwise they will make our macho men effeminate, who will then have to plead and request if they ever wanted their underwear to be washed. They will be required to practice saying 'please' and 'thank you', and become courteous. Most agonizingly, they will have to learn the terms of endearment if they ever want to have sex. All this could solve the rape crisis because in such a horrifically well-mannered society if a man had an urge to rape a woman, he would approach her and ask in most polite and respectful manner, "Madam, please, may I rape you?" and if the woman said, "No," he would not bother her anymore.
Do we want to pay such a heavy price of vaccinating our menfolk with the serum of politeness to strip them of their machismo, mardangee--just to stop rape and violence? No way. Do we want to give women control over their own lives, over their own bodies and sexuality? No way.
Such a scenario would be a nightmare not only for ordinary men, but also for Bollywood filmmakers. Because in every hit or flop masala movie the hero harasses the heroine to win her affections besides saving her from the harassing goons. The entire industry earns its bread and butter from the glorification of sexual harassment.
I sincerely hope that following our glorious traditions, the elders at home and the society at large will continue to decide how often and at what times a woman would step out of her house, what clothes she would wear, and most importantly who would have sex--consensual or forced--with her.
In our fight to keep this institution of patriarchy alive and aloft, we have been fortunate to have the continuous support of common people as well as the backing of most of the political and religious leaders. I am happy to say that when it comes to preserving patriarchy and women subjugation, most of the people are united for this noble cause despite their different caste, class, profession or religious or political affiliations. Let us honor some of the great retro-visionaries for their exemplary public utterances in support of patriarchy and misogyny.
The Grist Mill takes this opportunity to honor many more luminaries for their outstanding support for this cause:
BJP's Prime Ministerial Candidate Narendra Modi on Sunanda Tharoor: "Is desh mein kaabhi kisi ne 50 crore ki girlfriend dekhi hai? (Has anyone seen a ₹ 50-crore girlfriend in this country?)"
Congress Leader Digvijay Singh: "Arvind Kejriwal is like Rakhi Sawant. Both try to expose, but no substance."
Congress MP Sriprakash Jaiswal: "Jaise jaise samay beet-ta hai, patni purani hoti chali jati hai....wo maza nahin rehta hai."
Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde to Jaya Bachchan in parliament: Suno meri behen, ye chinta ka vishay hai, ye film ka vishay nahin hai..."
Congress Leader Botsa Satyanarayana: "Women shouldn't roam the streets at night just because we got independence at midnight."
Union Minister Valayar Ravi to a female journalist: Do you have anything personal against Kurien? Did anything happen between you and him?"
MP Minister Vijayvargiya: "If women cross Lakshmanrekha, there will be consequences."
Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar on Park Street Rape: "It was a misunderstanding between the lady and her clients."
NCW Chief Mamta Sharma: "Boys make comments on girls, terming them sexy, but sexy means beautiful and charming."
Delhi CM Sheila Dikshit's message to girls: "... you should not be so adventurous."
JD(U) Chief Sharad Yadav: "Kaun hai hum me se jisne peechha nahi kiya hai. Aur jab mahila se baat karni hoti hai tab pahal mahila nahi karti hai, pahal toh hamein hi karna hoti hai. (We have all stalked (women). And you have to take the first step when you want to speak to a woman.)"
More on Patriarchy:
You would agree that 'aurat hi aurat ki dushman hai' in many instances hence this feudal system continues to thrive! At least we have a hope in younger generation of women/girls:)
ReplyDeleteThat true! Broader definition of patriarchy constitutes the rule by elders, which includes both men and women, and all young people are victimized.
DeleteDon't know what to say.Those who are supposed to be our leaders,those who ought to be role models-they think and speak this sort of garbage.Their brains work very well when it comes to filling their coffers but where does their intelligence go when they utter such nonsense?
ReplyDeleteIt is their thinking which is perverted-no values!
And they seem so proud of their utterances!
DeleteAs grim the situation is as of now, do you really thing tethering men by a noose around their nose will help? No one likes to be told how to live his life, or her life, and shouldn't be, at least not by the law, but by the way they are raised, and by the education they get. The rule of the stick is for the brainless, not for those who have it, but have a notion that only they have it.
ReplyDeleteEver heard the slogan among youth 'Ruck Fules'? The system exists to streamline things, not to derail it, but sadly, when we stop asking why, and just rely on faith, someone is bound to take advantage. You cannot help morons from talking like shite, but what you can do is to not raise such morons.
Regards,
Blasphemous Aesthete
I second you .
DeleteWohi tho! Sadiyonse chalta aa raha humara parampara in naariyon ki wajah se barbaad ho jayega! Achcha hua aapne awaaz utaya :)
ReplyDeleteThat is about the best tongue-in-cheek satire I have read, Giribala! Great!
Barbaad ho raha hai! Thanks for your concern and support!!
DeleteSeriously, Giri, someone needs to drill some sense into these "satyanashi" feminists. My stomach is already doing double takes thinking about all that dirty underwear that will pile up. No matter what, let not our young women get corrupt under videshi influence and start demanding their rights! A hard hitting post!
ReplyDeleteYes, the young women are all getting corrupt under the videshi influence... they are the main reason behind the increase in the incidents of sexual assaults. :-\
DeleteThis reminds me that the 'Middle finger awards' are soon to be announced for this year. This was a really interesting year. Congratulations to all the winners.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amit! The winners want me to convey their thanks as well :-|
Delete