The Speech That Cured My Modiphobia

Until a few days ago, I used to be mighty scared of Narendra Modi. The reason behind it was that I used to watch a lot of TV, which projected Modiji as an arrogant, Muslim-hating, self-applauding, patronizing monster. It made such an adverse impact on my psyche that I started having nightmares and hallucinations. Whenever I heard the word Modi, or saw his name or picture in print, I became jittery. Even when my husband called me moti, I would panic for no reason.

Eek!! Why do people upload such scary pictures?? (IBNLive)

So my doctor advised me to stop watching news, which helped reduce my phobia, but only to the extent that Baba Ramdev's medicines help cure diseases. Then my good friend suggested that I read Hanuman Chalisa everyday, which certainly did calm me down. But when Narendra Modi was announced BJP's Prime Ministrial candidate, my nightmares and hallucinations rebounded with increased ferocity. Once again my good friend came to my rescue. He sent me the following translation of one of Modiji's recent speeches. This speech has cleared a lot of misconceptions about Modiji, and for the time being, I have been cured of Modiphobia.

"Brothers and sisters, as all of you know, I am soon going to become the next Prime Minster of India. For that, I will need your vote and support. I want to assure you that once I become Prime Minister, I will not revert to politics of hate. I will keep religion separate from politics. If, by chance... or by design, communal riots take place anywhere in the country, the guilty would be punished without consideration of their religious affiliations. Friends, I will keep RSS and the other extremist organizations at arm's length. After all, I will be the Prime Minister of a multi-faith nation. Even Atal Bihari Bajpayeeji did not go out of the way to construct the much-promised Ram temple, even though he had mounted the throne after riding on a strong mandir wave.

"Now, I could never understand why all the TV hosts are so morbidly against me. Every time I appear on a show, the host would invariably ask me if I regretted 2002 riots. Others would go on and report about the leeway and the protection that the Gujarat government had provided to the RSS rioters, and how I made Maya Kodnani a Minister for Women and Child Development despite the fact that she had actively helped Hindu rioters by handing them swords and exhorting them to attack Muslims. But now she is in jail, isn't she? So are many senior police officers. Friends, it was all to create a wave. I am not going to behave like that once I become a Prime Minister. I will stop taunting Muslims in general, and stop calling their camps child-producing centers. And there would be fair probe if Muslims or political opponents would be killed.

"Though I would strictly deal with any aggression by Pakistan, I would certainly refrain from making provocative statements. Neighbors ought to live in peace, especially those neighbors who have nuclear weapons. 

"Friends, my only agenda would be the progress and development of our great nation. And I am sure under my rule people will become hardworking, honest, hygienic, healthy, and happy. I promise there will be less corruption, less crime, and less pollution. The air will be clean and redolent with the fragrances of champa and chameli.  Water will taste sweet as if pumped directly from Gangotri. Men in general would stop disparaging women by continuously spouting ma-ki, behen-ki abuses. Finally, I will order all the Internet trolls, whether independent or from my PR agencies, to stop behaving like hordes of bees, attacking anyone who writes or talks against me. I find these trolls extremely irritating. Friends, instead of indulging in offensive and defensive strategies, let us start a positive campaign. I would welcome all forms of healthy criticism and try to learn from them so that I could atone for my mistakes and develop my character. 

"Dear friends, please share this message with everyone you know. If one person shares this with ten of his friends or relatives, in no time, we can reach millions of people. Let us use social media to spread this message and reach out to young voters. Jai Gujarat! Jai Bharat Mata!"

As I said earlier, this speech has soothed my nerves, but I am still not allowed to watch TV or browse Internet unsupervised. My doctor says that each person has a good and a bad side. And I should follow Gandhiji's philosophy of  "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil."

Internet is an evil place with lots of fear-generating articles and videos. Please do not click on the following links if you are a nervous wreck like me.
Heartranjan's Blog: Why I'm not Orgasming over Modi yet 
Bhadwad Jal Park: I Wish I Could Vote for the BJP But...
Anupamtimes: Facing the Music of Modi
Open Magazine: Know The Man
YouTube: Arundhati Roy in Chicago on Modi and the Hindu Nationalists
THE CARAVAN: The Emperor Uncrowned - The rise of Narendra Modi (an 11-page detailed essay)

In case you come across more such articles, please help me by sharing their titles or URLs so that I can add them to this list and avoid clicking on them accidentally.