Why I Became A Pessimist

Thursday, April 25, 2013

All of you must be aware that scientists keep on experimenting and publishing results of new studies. For example, one of the studies taught me that if I put a foot in front of the other foot, I will move forward. I am a great fan of such studies. So you can imagine my excitement when a study proved that pessimists live longer, happier lives. Now I am also a sucker for all sorts of tips and advice that promise longevity because I feel my life has just begun and I still have many unfulfilled dreams.

It gives me shivers to think how foolishly optimistic I have been until now. It could have cut my life short any day in the past. Hence after reading how optimists die early and pessimists live long and happy lives, I decided to change my attitude.

Because of my changed attitude many of the fair-weather friends have already deserted me, which is actually good because now I know that only pessimists can be real friends.

(Picture courtesy thepessimist.com)
Whenever my pessimist friends gather, first we talk about the meanness and selfishness of the optimists. Overall, we have more topics to discuss than the optimists, as each day more and more horrible things keep happening around the world. We exchange stories of harm lurking in air, water, modern appliances, as well as in the food products.

Ever since I have acquired this great pessimistic insight, I have learned to read between the lines when I interact with people in real or virtual world. When a friend comments, “Looking beautiful,” on any picture on Facebook, I know that he or she means that I look good only in that particular picture, and that I am ugly otherwise. When someone comments, “u luk so young,” I realize she wants to remind me of my advanced age. I immediately hide my birthday and my year of graduation. This gives me an idea to enroll in a graduate school, so that I could proudly display 2015 or 2016 as my year of graduation, though I know I am going to fail eventually.

I used to be happy when my dad would ping me the words, “saubhagyawati bhav,” a seemingly innocuous blessing, but lately I have realized that it means that I should die before my husband. This inspires me to take extra care of my health. When the husband lovingly insists that I eat the calorie-rich cake, pastries, or Indian sweets, my antenna picks up his secret motive. Thus instead of mindlessly stuffing myself with the delicacies, I eat only bite size. Although this precaution will work only until a meteorite doesn't strike or a sinkhole doesn't open below me.

And when some of my friends leave honey-dipped comments on a blog post, I know it is a trap to keep me from improving. Earlier, I used to stop working for long periods of time and gloat over each and every compliment. Now, as I have realized how substandard my writing is, I plan to take a study-leave from blogging and Facebook for a few months. Bah... as if anyone can improve their skills with practice. It is in the genes, you know.

So finally, I have learned to see the glass as half empty. I hope my new attitude prolongs my life so that I keep bugging for a long long time all the buggers who might bug me.

News Sources:
American Psychological Association: Pessimism About the Future May Lead to Longer, Healthier Life, Research Finds
The Pessimist: Why Pessimists Live Longer

27 comments:

  1. So finally i found some real blogger friend :D.
    Though I believe It doesn't matter glass is full or half or half-filled water and half by air as some optimists say, but what matters is what exactly is your requirement that should be a matter of concern and not the glass.

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    1. Thanks :-) You are right...requirement is what matters! The study asks us not to be satisfied with what we have.

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  2. Oh dear! I have no idea I was playing with my life!!

    Thank you for this insight. I must change my attitude too!

    Dagny

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    1. Yes...be careful...be very careful, Dagny! :-|

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  3. Ha ha ha. I am impressed by this pessimistic approach penned optimistically.

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    1. OMG...looks like my optimism keeps raising its ugly head!!

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  4. Oh Gosh! Thanks for the warning. I have to change my comments on your blog. You are right; you need more practice :).

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    1. That's spoken like a true friend :-/

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  5. You have written this wonderful post to remind me that I am an awful writer. How could you do this to me Giribala?

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    1. No, Alka, you are a good writer! I am sorry if you felt that way, though the pessimist in me doubts if my writing can have any such effect.

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  6. I am pessimist enough to believe I am an optimist! Does it matter if the glass is half full or empty as long as there's Scotch in it :D

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    1. Now you have confused me! Looks like there is a thin line between pessimism and optimism :-/

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  7. Pessimists of the world unite ! I never get any honey dipped blgo comments - should I be happy about it or sad :P
    Ah giribala only you could have come up with something like this :P

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    1. Thanks Ruchira! You must be a veteran pessimist not to consider those lovey-dovey comments on your blog as honey-dipped.

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  8. Ok, now we need to give you a lifetime achievement in blogging award! (Basically, we want to tell you to stop writing blog :) )

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    1. Oh thanks... but I will keep you bugging for a long time :-)

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  9. At last I can see a true friend who knows the true worth of all the grim pessimism:)

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    1. Yes...life looks like a tunnel without any light at the end :-/

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  10. OMG Thank you (I think) for showing me how dangerously I live, my foolishly optimistic attitude can kill me! And I like your idea of enrolling for a graduate degree now - just to confuse people about my age.

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    1. You are welcome, Ritu :-)
      May you live a long and keep killing the demons with your words!

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  11. This is such a bful and wise post . No don't gloat over this compliment ;) do sharpen ur skills more and more but I do mean what I said
    Loved this post mingled with fun
    That's the reason I never display my birth date and restrict details from many !!:)
    Anyway pessimistic attitude does help many times
    Good luck and I loved the pic u made for Indian traditions for men


    Came via indibloggeshwaris
    :)

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    1. Thanks Afshan! How ever hard I try can't help spending time reading such sweet comments again and again :-)

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  12. Now what do i write on this post. If I compliment I become a sly manipulator trying to keep you from improving :) If I insult, of course, I am trying to make you unhappy :)

    I shall merely say LOL. You can interpret the laugh any way that suits you - as a hearty belly laugh, as a contemptuous laugh or as the sycophantic laugh that seeks a return visit :)

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    1. I will set a committee to interpret this LOL :O

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  13. I have been called a Pessimist many times. My theory is that if you are not excited about anything that is about to happen, you will be happy when it happens. If you keep saying - This is not going to work! Then you will be happy when it does.

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    1. Great!! According to this study, you will live a loooooong life :-)

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  14. They say pessimism is an art and is sure path to optimism

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