The Metamorphosis Of Mohammad Azam Khan

Monday, April 29, 2013

(In this article, the first part tells the real story of Mohammad Azam Khan’s April 2013 trip to the US, and the second part is fictional.)

Part I
This astonishing story is from 2013 AD. That year, Akhilesh Yadav, 39, the young chief minister of an Indian state, Uttar Pradesh, and his urban development minister, Mohammad Azam Khan, 64, were invited along with a 12-member delegation to attend a symposium on South Asia at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

The subject of the symposium was. "Harvard Without Borders: Mapping the Kumbh Mela." As the chief minister of UP, Akhilesh Yadav had successfully hosted the Maha Kumbh, a 55-day religious congregation, which takes place every 12 years in the sacred city of Allahabad at the confluence of the rivers Ganga and Yamuna, and is attended by tens of millions of people from India and abroad.

While the records show that the multi-disciplinary team at Harvard was genuinely interested in listening to Akhilesh Yadav, there are uncorroborated reports that the Harvardians were looking for some comic relief. At that time, India was going through great social turmoil, and Indian politicians were a curious breed with an absurd degree of money and muscle power, and a criminal and regressive bent of mind, resembling farcical characters of black comedy.

Thus, on the stipulated day in the month of April, Mohammad Azam Khan, the great future reformer, arrived at Boston Logan International Airport with his caravan. After the entire delegation had been cleared for entry by immigration, a woman officer of the US Customs and Border Protection wing of the Homeland Security asked Mr. Khan to step into a room for further questioning.

Khan, the self-opinionated, self-assertive leader, who had a history of indulging in obnoxious verbal attacks on police officers, administrative officers, and ordinary workers back home, created a ruckus at being treated like an ordinary traveler with a Muslim name, that too by a woman officer.

He asked her to apologize. She said she was merely doing her duty as per the manual of the Department of Homeland Security. When the virile leader still kept arguing boisterously, the woman officer threatened to file a complaint to restrain him from abusing her. Despite his impeccable dabang reputation back home, the minister, helpless in a foreign country, could not subdue the woman officer and was released only after he was interrogated for full ten minutes. The officer reiterated the fact that she was merely doing her duty.

Mohammad Azam Khan had never felt so insulted in his entire life. The Indian delegation vehemently demanded an apology from the officer. Had it happened in India, the police officer would have been thrashed or at least been transferred. But no such action was taken by Boston authorities. Mr. Khan then decided to boycott the Harvard event. Even Akhilesh Yadav cancelled his lecture and presentation. Some people claimed that he had not prepared his lecture thoroughly and a few others conjectured that his laptop might have crashed. Anyway, they returned without attending the event. On their return, they pulled all possible diplomatic strings to exact an apology from the US government, which remained elusive.

Chacha Azam Khan and Akhilesh Yadav (Via The Indian Express)

Part II
Reeling under humiliation and seething with anger at the detention and interrogation of Mr. Khan, his supporters made a lot of noise to reiterate that this was an insult to all Indians. They exhorted the Indian government to attack the US if the erring woman police officer was not handed over for flogging.

Mr. Azam Khan was absolutely sure of the support of all fellow Indians on this issue. With keen interest, he read all the news coverage related to his US visit on various websites, such as, The Hindu, TOI, HT, NDTV. But when he browsed the comment sections to gauge public sentiments, he received the shock of his life. Each one of the commenters—all Indians—was applauding the woman police officer who had tortured him at the Boston Airport.

Azam Khan then inquired some Indians living in the US, regarding their experience of the police atrocities. “What atrocities?” the NRIs asked, and only marveled over the efficiency of law enforcers.

This sent Azam Khan into deep contemplation. He realized that the reason behind the development of the enemy country was their disciplined police force that worked without the interference from rich and powerful. He felt as if Allah had sent him on earth to serve his people and bring order in the society. The words of the woman police officer, “I am merely doing my duty,” suddenly started haunting him. He deeply yearned for an honest and disciplined police force for the state of UP.

After extensive introspection, Mr. Khan politely asked Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav to hand him the Law and Order portfolio besides the five others he already had. And Akhilesh could not say no to Khan Chacha.

This time Khan Chacha did not take over this new responsibility with a motive of milking the time-tested cash cow; rather he intended to reform the police force. He worked very hard to bring about the change. All over UP, the police officers and their subordinates were trained in ethics and integrity. They were ordered to treat all citizens equally and were promised of non-interference of the politicians and their cohorts.

Within a few months, the efficiency of a disciplined police force washed away the rot and filth that had accumulated in public life. The air was cleared of the deadly stink. Honesty and hard work started to breathe again. The effect trickled down the society in various forms. Infrastructure grew branches, businesses bloomed, work force blossomed, education started to take roots, innovations flew like winged seeds, and citizens started taking their civic duties sincerely like responsible gardeners.

After the miraculous makeover of the state of Uttar Pradesh, there began a loud clamor for a change in leadership at the center. People demanded UP model of development for whole country. It was in April 2016 when the coalition partners were compelled to ask team Azam Khan and Akhilesh Yadav to be at the helm of running the country.

Back in Uttar Pradesh, a citizen, on behalf of an enthusiastic civic body contacted Boston Logan International Airport to find out the name of the woman officer who had been a trigger for the fabulous change all over India, and whose words, “I am merely doing my duty,” had brought a change of heart in Khan Chacha. UPites unanimously wanted to honor that great woman.

When the authority at Boston finally understood what the UPite was asking, he replied, “She is just a cop.”

The UPite asked again, “Pardon me, Sir. I did not understand what you just said. What we want to know is her name only, Sir.”

This time the Bostonian stressed each syllable for clarity, and repeated, “She is just a cop.”

“You mean Justeco, Sir?” asked the UPite.

“Yes,” said the Bostonian and ended the conversation.

The civic group decided to build a temple honoring Lady Justeco. They collected money and bricks from all over UP and from other parts of India as well. Many rich NRIs also donated huge amounts of money. In the coming days, a magnificent temple was built at a site where once Hindu fundamentalists had destroyed a mosque named Babri Masjid, claiming that it was the birthplace of Lord Rama.

As both Hindus and Muslims believed that Lord Rama or Allah had sent Lady Justeco to bring peace and prosperity in the State of Uttar Pradesh, both the communities came together to do kar sewa at the temple site, and together they chanted, "Jai Ma Justeco." Yes, even those Muslims who had objected to "Vande Mataram" in the past, joined the chorus of:

“Jai Ma Justeco! Jai Khan Chacha!

26 comments:

  1. The Chacha Bhatija duo are such pseudos. With several criminal cases against him, Khan Chacha was rightly questioned or detained. Junior Yadav showed us that he is no different when it comes to pseudo-ism.

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    1. Rightly said! They have taken an offence at not being treated like VVIPs :O

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  2. you had me laughing non stop ... breathless !! :D :D Khan Chacha and Lady Jesteco ... hahahaha... I wish some Lady Jesteco could teach these Indian political breed a lesson of morality and duty ...be from the US or even any Arabian country .. :D
    Amazing read !!
    Hats off !!

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  3. You are such a riot, Maa GibaLOL....

    It's time to send all our corrupt, arrogant netas for a security check at your great country!

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    1. That's a great idea, but not everyone has the sensibilities of Khan Chacha :-|

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  4. You remind me of Animal Farm- Some pigs are more equal than others:)

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  5. Loved it. Thanks for making me laugh.

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  6. Giri, truly funny. Bhejo in saare gadho ko US.

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    1. Thanks Rachna! Arey, sab milkar to US kee sari ghaas kha jayenge :O

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    2. Phir se uga lena udhar. Yahan toh chaara bhi nahin chhodte :).

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    3. Actually, ghaas to yahan ham bag bhar bhar kar fenkte hain. The bigger problem would be from the gobar they would produce.

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  7. So, Harvard had their comic relief without also having to withstand a lecture? :)

    It will take more than a Ma Justeco to wash away all the filth here :) Remember that Joke - "Give me Japan and I will convert it into Bihar within three days?" :)

    Thanks for that bundle of laughs :)

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    1. Thanks! Not only Harvardians, others are also entertained. :-)

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  8. The airtime wasted by TV channels on this subject shows as to what extent are we brain dead.
    However,you gave covered it so well with humour.

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    1. Yes, it is a non-issue, just a routine 10-min interview, but is blown out of proportion :-)

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  9. maha kumbh was n't successful,people died in stampede.i think harvard and wharton does it for money,how can they allow people like lalu yadav and azam to lecture its students.i think,the usa subprime crisis was result of lectures from indian politicians like lalu.hahahaha both harvard and indian politicians are funny.harvard won't mind to host the great indian tamasha of ndtv.

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    1. That's true. 36 people had died in a stampede. Azam Khan submitted his resignation over it, and then Akhilesh rejected it :-|

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  10. I really don't understand what the problem is! I thought they like it when women touch them all over and asks them to come in separate rooms.

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  11. I do need to apprise you on Part Deux. Fiction is fast turning to Reality. My insider sources tell me that Khan Chacha is indeed working hard to eradicate all political influence from the UP Police force. In fact, just yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by the progress he has already made. When I was stopped by a cop in Noida for jumping my third red light, I proceeded to do my usual bit of dropping heavy Yadav-type names in front of him. The cop merely stopped me with a - 'So what, Sir? I am only doing my duty'. After which, he took nothing less than a 1000 rupee note from me, thus giving me a valuable lesson in life - Never break a traffic rule unless you are driving with a full wallet.
    At this rate, we are bound to become a great nation within four-and-a-half years.
    Thank you, Boston Lady Cop.

    This was a delectable post! :D

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    1. Oho...looks like Khan Chacha did well at removing political influence, but prescribed different books to teach ethics and integrity. In this case, the future scenario will be different. Brace yourself with 1000 rupee notes! :D


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  12. Actually interrogation was the real reason that chacha was hurt, he was expecting that he would be strip searched.

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    Replies
    1. This could be possible. Chacha might have been disappointed!

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