Not A Man Enough? Follow These Steps

I have been awestruck by the events of the past week. In the US, a macho gunman—guns, the ultimate symbol of manliness—snuffed out scores of lives in one go, and in the Indian capital, New Delhi, six brave men accomplished the height of manliness, making themselves distinguished among their lesser brethren, who continuously crave for such distinction by pinching and groping women at public places while trying to keep their own mothers, sisters, and wives under control at homes. How did these ordinary men achieve such greatness? That is the question.

Even though, these historical events confirm that the two greatest democracies on the earth, India and the USA, have reached the pinnacle of their civilizations—and I cannot fathom them getting any better—I am also concerned if we would be able to maintain this status for a long time, as there is a continuous conspiratorial campaign being carried on by the anti-gun wusses and the feminist bullies, all of whom are hell bent on rendering the men effeminate. Look at these horrifying pictures:

Protest against an incident of rape in New Delhi, India

Anti-gun protests in US after Newtown school shooting

In the US, people need to own expensive guns to prove their masculinity. On the other hand, in India, one doesn't have to spend $$$ on guns. Remember the “Hunter song” from Gangs of Wasseypur? While for many men superiority and entitlement are second nature due to the awesome conditioning by doting parents, a few boys who grow up without much parental guidance regarding such issues, turn out to be cowards. They start thinking that men and women are equal.

Thus, to save our rape culture from the onslaught of feminists, we need to keep reminding our boys how special they are, and how they can also achieve the heights of manliness, or at least contribute their bit in the continuation of the rape culture. For those who have been confused because of the misleading noises made by the feminists, and for those who are looking to corroborate their beliefs, here is a brief rehash of our extraordinary manly traditions:

1. Aggression: The fathers as the head of their families should be aggressive, arrogant, and dominating so that the sons also learn by emulation.

2. Entitlement: The most important lesson to teach our boys is that they are far superior to girls, who are born only to serve their husbands and their families. Power comes from entitlement. Not only are the boys entitled to women’s unconditional services, but also chunks of her father's money as dowry. Besides, the boys are also entitled to grope and molest women on the streets to show the adventurous women their place.

3. Nurture hate: It is not enough to hate others on the basis of their religion, country, caste, or skin color. The boys should also learn to hate those who are weaker than them, especially women and children.

4. Verbal abuse: We should teach our boys the choicest of the abusive words—the ones denigrating the other person’s mother and sister are the best ones. Words maketh a man. Using violent language is a precursor of physical abuse.

5. Physical abuse: This should be the ultimate goal of every boy in his life—the only way to demonstrate their machismo. Fathers can set early examples by slapping and demeaning their wives. Once the parents get their son married, he will find it easy to abuse his wife at home, while gallantly saving her from the wolves on the road, thus completing a full cycle. The good news is that not only the society approves and applauds such machismo, but the police and the government also aid us by dismissing the slutty women accusing our kuldeepaks or heirs extraordinaire of sexual harassment or rape.

That is all for now. Please keep practicing. Practice makes a man perfect. Otherwise, this world without manly men would be like a beautiful pond without scum.

(The last line is inspired by Irina Dunn's quote, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”)