(Related External Link: TED TALK- What do babies think? by Alison Gopnik)
For scientists and researchers studying human development, a newborn baby’s cognitive abilities are still an unexplored territory. Just like the Higgs boson particle, a baby’s mind remains a mystery. According to one theory, babies are born with complete knowledge of their previous births hence they are exceptionally worldly wise. This is the reason why their heads are so big. As they grow older, their memories of past lives fade and are lost completely around the time they attain linguistic abilities.
Last week, in an unprecedented event, the above theory unraveled itself in front of me. I had gone to see my friend’s two-month-old twins. Both the babies were lying on their backs in their crib. Their gravity-defying arms and legs were kicking invisible monsters in the air.
My friend looked harried. I was thinking of picking up a baby, when something bizarre happened. I heard the friend’s voice. “Oh my God! They don’t give me respite at all…” I looked at my friend. Her lips were not even moving, but I could hear her. “I don’t know how to cope with this situation.” It was my turn to get OMGized because, undoubtedly, I was hearing her thoughts. “They have made my life hell. I finish attending to one when the other is ready to push my limits. I hope they don’t infect my babies. I don’t know how dirty, germ-infested her hands are.”
Oh, okay, she was thinking about me. I gave up the idea of holding or touching her babies, and decided to leave early. The friend went to the kitchen. Now I started hearing voices from the crib. “Hey lady in red, pick me up. I am bored. I wanna see around. Last time, when someone picked me up, I threw up on her. I wanna do it again.” This was the blue baby.
The pink one was also thinking. I went closer to hear her. “My diaper is full. Mommy-Daddy don’t care for me. Why am I brought into this world again? To suffer such ignominy? These new parents will first blunt my life with, ‘don’t do this,’ and ‘don’t do that,’ and then marry me off to some scoundrel.”
“Hey girl,” I told her loudly, “You will be free to marry anyone you choose. This is America. You are not in India.”
Now I lent my ear to the blue baby. “Indian parents, ha, ha. They will be too controlling. Never mind, I will be treated like a prince and will certainly have my own way. Looks like these folks have lots of dough. I’m gonna have fun. Live life king size, ha, ha.” The baby was chuckling. “Goddammit, I am hungry. Where has the fussing woman gone? I hope she won’t be so fussy and cranky in her old age. Otherwise she would make my married life hell. Hey lady in red, you look hideous. Pick me up. I wanna throw up on your coat. It will make a great design.”
I stepped back, but could still hear their mumbo-jumbo. From the kitchen, I heard a long wailing sound. I ran out of the house without inquiring after my friend or even saying goodbye.
For scientists and researchers studying human development, a newborn baby’s cognitive abilities are still an unexplored territory. Just like the Higgs boson particle, a baby’s mind remains a mystery. According to one theory, babies are born with complete knowledge of their previous births hence they are exceptionally worldly wise. This is the reason why their heads are so big. As they grow older, their memories of past lives fade and are lost completely around the time they attain linguistic abilities.
Last week, in an unprecedented event, the above theory unraveled itself in front of me. I had gone to see my friend’s two-month-old twins. Both the babies were lying on their backs in their crib. Their gravity-defying arms and legs were kicking invisible monsters in the air.
 |
| (Picture source: shutterstock.com ) |
My friend looked harried. I was thinking of picking up a baby, when something bizarre happened. I heard the friend’s voice. “Oh my God! They don’t give me respite at all…” I looked at my friend. Her lips were not even moving, but I could hear her. “I don’t know how to cope with this situation.” It was my turn to get OMGized because, undoubtedly, I was hearing her thoughts. “They have made my life hell. I finish attending to one when the other is ready to push my limits. I hope they don’t infect my babies. I don’t know how dirty, germ-infested her hands are.”
Oh, okay, she was thinking about me. I gave up the idea of holding or touching her babies, and decided to leave early. The friend went to the kitchen. Now I started hearing voices from the crib. “Hey lady in red, pick me up. I am bored. I wanna see around. Last time, when someone picked me up, I threw up on her. I wanna do it again.” This was the blue baby.
The pink one was also thinking. I went closer to hear her. “My diaper is full. Mommy-Daddy don’t care for me. Why am I brought into this world again? To suffer such ignominy? These new parents will first blunt my life with, ‘don’t do this,’ and ‘don’t do that,’ and then marry me off to some scoundrel.”
“Hey girl,” I told her loudly, “You will be free to marry anyone you choose. This is America. You are not in India.”
Now I lent my ear to the blue baby. “Indian parents, ha, ha. They will be too controlling. Never mind, I will be treated like a prince and will certainly have my own way. Looks like these folks have lots of dough. I’m gonna have fun. Live life king size, ha, ha.” The baby was chuckling. “Goddammit, I am hungry. Where has the fussing woman gone? I hope she won’t be so fussy and cranky in her old age. Otherwise she would make my married life hell. Hey lady in red, you look hideous. Pick me up. I wanna throw up on your coat. It will make a great design.”
I stepped back, but could still hear their mumbo-jumbo. From the kitchen, I heard a long wailing sound. I ran out of the house without inquiring after my friend or even saying goodbye.
After reaching home, I decided to do something for the humanity, and began my study on the cognitive abilities of babies. Right now, I am immersed in interpreting the following video:
OMG...
ReplyDeleteOMG...looks like Harsh understands babies' boy talk in the video!!
ReplyDeleteLOL, you broke little twins' hearts by not allowing them to throw up a nice design on your coat.
ReplyDeleteBut then there's an old joke in which father after having trouble with beating his son in America planned a trip to India just to show him who was the Daddy, and welcomed his son in India with a slap :P
But still, its better to be disciplined with a cane rather than shouting and telling to go to the room and making spoilt brats out of this generation.
Nice post.
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
Anshul, Americans discipline their kids without beating. When I come across children here, I am surprised to see how polite and well-mannered they are contrary to some desi kids. :-)
ReplyDeleteHilarious! :D Seems like babies have some strange, undecipherable language of their own. :)
ReplyDeleteI like the new look and design.
And I've always wondered what goes on in my niece's head when she moves around silently, breaking everything in sight. Thanks you for clearing the cobwebs.
ReplyDeleteEternally grateful
Purba Ray
Yes, I have read about this elsewhere too that babies remember their last birth for at least 3 months
ReplyDeleteThank you for the insight....lol. That is some imagination.
ReplyDeleteLOL.. the two boys talking are dealing some major deal...DO NO DISTURB ... awesome insight into the minds of new born babies... wow!!
ReplyDeleteROFL the video is out of this world. Laughed like a maniac and made L&M come to investigate. Not only their cognitive ability but also their intelligence is beyond belief. My granddaughter used to laugh with her mouth shut -- to prevent her mom from shoving some food into it, when she had been all of 8 months :)
ReplyDeleteHilarious !
ReplyDeleteMust be because of slow network that i am not able to see the video.Will check it later .
@Ajay: Thanks!
ReplyDelete@Purba: "moves around silently, breaking everything in sight" Now I am further scared of the little ones.
@Chowla ji: Some people remember even after that :-|
@Alka: You are welcome :-)
@Aashish: Thanks!!
@Zephyr: Thanks! I am glad you liked it :-)
@Kavita: Thanks for reading!
Nice Imagination, by thw way, too harsh on the baby boy:)
ReplyDelete@JE: He must have been a jerk in his previous birth. Not all boys are like that, though. The ones who read my blog are the bestest ones. But bad boys make good stories. Your concern is justified. I should have reported few more lines by the baby girl to make it balanced.
ReplyDeleteOkay thanks to this I'll think 10 times before holding a baby again. Gosh their evil designs can give any adult sleepless nights!
ReplyDeleteHmm. I remember all now. I'm proud of myself. :D
ReplyDelete@Sammy: Yes, think before you go all ga ga over a baby :-/
ReplyDelete@Prateek: You used to be so intelligent and pragmatic back then!!
Super cool. New version of what babies want?
ReplyDeleteI guess now I know what my baby is thinking when he gives that devilish smile :)
Now I know why i don't like babies! :)
ReplyDelete