Quiz: What Vegetable Are You?

Once upon a time, Joel Stein knew only about two types of Indians--Guindians and Gandhians, about whom he wrote in an article in the Time magazine. After receiving an overwhelming response to his article, he learned a lot about the third type--the ones who are very sensitive to any news or opinion piece related to India that appears in foreign media. But there are more types of Indians out there. Find out your type by answering a few questions.

TAKE THE QUIZ: WHAT VEGETABLE ARE YOU?

All Possible Personality Types

Bell Pepper
(Capsicum)

You try to make everyone around you feel special and loved, and expect to be showered with the same amount of love and respect. You are disappointed when someone hurts you or backstabs you, because you believe that you are too nice to deserve such ill treatment. You are glad to celebrate your friends’ successes, but also suffer great agony at their misfortunes. Since there is more pain and suffering in this world than happiness, you will gradually become a depressed soul. Joel Stein’s recent article in Time magazine about Indian influx in Edison, NJ is too impersonal for you to be offended.

Karela
(Bitter Gourd) 

You are a pure soul, but your tendency to speak avoidable inconvenient truths about people to their faces quickly lands you in an unfavorable zone. This often hurts you, and you spend a lot of time justifying your point of view. Sometimes you create great controversies with the help and support from a few behind-the-scenes friends. As a result, the majority is usually after your blood, although you are smart enough to save your skin. You are highly compatible with the onion types. You never hesitate to spew venom against Joel Stein when someone tells you that he has written an offensive article.

Chili
(Jalapeño)

Your favorite song is, “Tujhko mirchi lagi to main kya karoon,” which means... actually, I have no clue how to translate it. I even tried Google translator, which gave nonsensical results such as, “What should I do if Maine was pepper.” You find an odd sense of satisfaction in deliberately upsetting your acquaintances. In return, you receive a barrage of insults and derision, but they are deflected by your smooth exterior and you continue with your not-so-endearing endeavors. You are surprised at the outrage over Joel Stein’s article, because your own utterances are a thousand times more loaded than his ramblings.

Spinach

You are well accomplished in your field and are sufficiently secure and proud of your individuality. You think about alleviating the pain and sufferings of mankind. You wish that people who waste their time talking about Joel Stein would raise their voice and act against the banes of our society, such as illiteracy, hunger, poverty, war, torture, which are prevalent even after so much advancement in science and technology.

Tomato

You are an extremely juicy person who is exceptionally ingenuous at gossiping and inventing rumors. Even though, you get along very well with other vegetables, you derive absolute pleasure only in the company of other tomatoes, with whom you wholeheartedly indulge in the depths, heights, and widths of gossiping. You have a short shelf life as you rot very fast. When you learn about Joel Stein’s article, you make it juicier by falsely attributing many more sensational quotes to him.

Potato

You mix up very well with everyone. Most of the people who come across you are initially charmed by your behavior. You are an excellent host and love throwing great parties. Your friends tend to overeat the rich, delicious food at your place, knowing very well that they will suffer from indigestion and heartburn later. Your secret wish is to feed Joel Stein with delicious potato curry and make him rotund so that he loses his edges, and begins to write lovingly about Indians and India like William Dalrymple does.

Brinjal
(Eggplant)

You are always found lamenting that you don’t have friends, although you are quite thick with onion, potato, capsicum, and tomato. For reasons unknown, you want to be friends with cauliflower, ladyfinger and French beans. When they do not acknowledge your existence, you feel snubbed. You should start appreciating your friends instead of running after those who move only in exclusive circles. Be yourself and don’t try too hard to become someone else. Your friends love you the way you are. You want to read Joel Stein’s article to discuss it with the cauliflower, ladyfinger and French beans, but can’t read beyond the first paragraph.

Lauki(Gourd) 

You are a down-to-earth person. You are as happy among your friends as you are being alone. You don’t care what others think about you, nor do you brood over the verbal darts thrown at you. You are a hardworking person who likes to keep his or her family comfortable and happy. You do whatever pleases you. Your response to the mention of Joel Stein’s article is, “Joel Stein? What’s that? Is it a store that sells similar products which Stein Mart sells?”

Ladyfinger
(Okra)

You may be one of those who are either born rich or are a nouveau riche. The wealth in both the circumstances is mostly earned by dubious means. You like to appear sophisticated and are averse to be associated with people who neither have money nor class. What you may be clueless about is that others also find you sticky and wish you stuck to your own types. If you get a whiff of any social event that Joel Stein is invited to, you would make sure that you attended it, that too at someone else’s expense. Later, you’d post pictures on Facebook, saying how handsome and charming Stein was in person.

Onion

You are a born leader. You like making decisions for others whether they want to follow you or not. There are three types of onions. Some are the young plants or scallions that people like to eat raw. A few are solid mature onions who are respected for their integrity and hard work. Sadly, most of them are rotten due to corruption or old age, but their shiny outer skin is able to deceive many. You find Joel Stein’s article offensive because you have to be offended by anything, everything, and even nothing, if the vocal majority is offended.

French Beans
(Green Beans)

You are the ultimate social climber, enjoying the fruits of your successful networking. You always remain under the false impression that people have a good opinion of you, while everyone out there resents you and calls you a chamcha/chamchi or a sycophant. You would criticize Joel Stein in front of someone that you know has been offended by his article. And immediately afterwards, in front of a Joel Stein fan, you would change your opinion, telling him or her how much you enjoy reading Mr. Stein’s Awesome Column.

Cauliflower

You are an extremely good looking person, who spends most of the waking hours in doing what else…making yourself look more good, rather gooder and goodest. You are fond of fancy clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, perfume, cologne. Even though your assimilation is wonderfully American, you should stay away from the Statue of Liberty for you might make it shed a tear. You think Time is something one can tell by looking at a clock. Last, I met a cauliflower gentleman, he told me he couldn’t find Joel Stein on his wall clock.

Thank you very much for taking the quiz and reading this far. This quiz is meant only for fun. I sincerely regret if anyone is upset by the result. It is in no way intended to cause offense to any vegetable.