The Unified Theory of Astrology and Astronomy

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Rahu, the head of Demon Snake.
It swallows the Sun and the Moon, causing eclipses.
(via Wikimedia Commons)
Were you worried about the adverse effects of this century’s longest and darkest lunar eclipse? I know I was. According to the Hindu shastras, such events are extremely inauspicious, which means if you do not follow what the astrologers say, you will lose health, wealth, and wisdom if you had any of these despite following the astrologers.

With the help of a mahaagyaani astrologer Dr. Soniyaa Bhagiyaa—what a sonorous name—an apparently intelligent reporter Renuka Rao lists a sequence of dos and don’ts to be observed during an eclipse on an esteemed website, Daily News & Analysis or DNA. In a nutshell, the list suggests you do nothing during the eclipse—sex is a big no—except chanting mantras and doing charity.

How conscientious and considerate of DNA to run this article in public service!

I have only one concern, though. None of the astrologers take into account the eclipses of more than 8,000 man-made objects orbiting our Earth. Out of these, around 560 are artificial satellites and the rest are space debris.


The largest artificial satellite orbiting the Earth is the International Space Station or ISS. It moves at an average speed of 27,724 km (17,227 mi) per hour, circling the Earth 15.7 times per day. One circle takes 90 minutes. Thus, it is eclipsed or swallowed by the head of a demon snake, Rahu, for 35 minutes, approximately 15.7 times per day. Rahu must be having the time of his life.


Compare this to the eclipse of the Moon, the Earth’s only natural satellite, which completes one orbital in 27.3 days. Lunar eclipse occurs only when the Moon, the Earth, and the Sun are aligned in such a way that the Earth blocks the Sun's rays from reaching the Moon, which only happens approximately twice a year.

There is not a moment in a day when one or the other artificial satellite from the 560 out there is not eclipsed. Hence engaging in any kind of activity at any time of the day is extremely hazardous to everyone.

This is probably the main reason the world is in chaos right now.

I am going to send a petition to the astronomers, scientists, and space researchers to stop meddling in the sky. If they are so much inclined to carry out their spurious, unethical activities on the Space Station, they should also include the study of astrology in their scheme of things.


Similarly, I plead to the astrologers to include the artificial satellites in their charts of stars and planets, and the resulting calculations. We are eagerly awaiting some solutions.


Until I hear from the astronomers and the astrologers, I will remain on a sabbatical, only chanting mantras and doing charity. 
Posted by Giribala at 12:28 AM Labels: , ,

18 comments:

  1. BK Chowla,June 16, 2011 at 12:34 AM

    This is a very complicated subject and only experts will perhaps comment

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  2. GiribalaJune 16, 2011 at 12:37 AM

    I am not looking for expert comments Chowla ji....just enjoy the videos :-)

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  3. AkankshaJune 16, 2011 at 1:59 AM

    Hilarious!!!
    Amazing videos :-D

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  4. SamadritaJune 16, 2011 at 2:03 AM

    ROFLMAO and here I actually had some respect for DNA.
    "Do not subject yourself to any kind of entertainment during this period." WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  5. PerceptionJune 16, 2011 at 4:51 AM

    I rmember reading that 17th Auguat, 1947 was not auspicious enough for our independence and so called gurus declared that India will not survive, well we are surviving all fine..

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  6. Blasphemous AestheteJune 16, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    If those artificial satellites were to account for eclipses, then the ones who ardently follow what their astrologer says would surely be dying chaste, and maybe, just maybe a little more closer to Moksha. Because, their would always be some satellite eclipsing them like mahadasha :P

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  7. PurbaJune 16, 2011 at 10:54 PM

    I slept through the Lunar eclipse and believe me it was far from entertaining.

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  8. KamikazeJune 18, 2011 at 7:21 AM

    You knw what! I ringed up a long lost friend of mine(although we live in the same city :P) and her Sasuji picked up - Aaj grahan hai na,usko baat nahi karni hai. Seema ko aaj button bhi nahi dabane diya - aaj grehan hai na! (Apparently 'cos she is expecting - she is not allowed to talk, roam, cut vegetables and what not on the eclipse day) Darn I thought - ye hi time mila mujhe use yaa karneka?! And here me n my frnds were disappointed in not getting to see the eclipse'cos Chandamama chose to hide.

    BTW - a total ROFL line this - Rahu must be having the time of his life.

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  9. Kavita SahariaJune 20, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    Hilarious .My mother call me up with for do's and dont's.My mother-in-law had her own agenda.Her polite instructions ended when i suggested that may be we should through the big bowl of payas (rice pudding)she made the day before.

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  10. ajayJune 21, 2011 at 7:45 AM

    Hilarious! :D Remember how astrologers were less than pleased when scientists announced that Pluto is no more a planet? I had relished that. :)

    PS: If ISS circles the Earth 5.7 times a day then it should take about 4 hours to complete one circle.

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  11. GiribalaJune 21, 2011 at 8:21 AM

    Thanks Akanksha, Sammy, JE, Anshul, Purba, Cool Cat and Kavita :-)

    @Ajay: I still feel sad for Pluto!! Thanks for pointing out the error.I have made the correction....The ISS orbits the Earth 15.7 times a day.

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  12. Smrithi MurthyJune 21, 2011 at 12:04 PM

    Ha ha! Great effort with the calculations. Hope the astrologers are smart enough to take it forward!

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  13. GiribalaJune 21, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    @Smrithi: You always come up with intelligent conclusions :-)

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  14. sangeetaJune 22, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    I think we would be able solve some of our problems by sending a brand new suitable satellite to the space instead of wearing rocks on our fingers. Good idea .

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  15. GiribalaJune 22, 2011 at 9:42 AM

    Ha ha...Sangeeta, superb idea! Send a satellite filled with gem stones or made of stones so that we don't have to wear rocks on our fingers!! :D

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  16. Pustervik HumousJuly 14, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    Hej, hard times here. Your site is godsend, with all contact and info !
    /Pustervik

    ReplyDelete
  17. Pustervik HumousJuly 14, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Ah, that "Hej" is just a "Hi", excuse the swedish creeping in :-)

    ReplyDelete
  18. GiribalaJuly 16, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Thanks Pustervik Humous! It's always good to hear from you :-)

    ReplyDelete

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