How To Keep Your Husband Busy During Holiday Season

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Expert
Holiday season has started. Schools will be closed for a while. Many people have already taken off from work because they have unused annual leave. Now, you have to devise ways to keep your family members busy so that they don’t upset your set routine. If you google, you can find a thousand ways to keep your kids busy, but none for your husband.

In summer time, he could be kept busy with gardening and the other backyard projects. Unfortunately, the present icy weather puts you under house arrest and you really need to get innovative and creative to deal with your fellow inmates.

Please don’t be dejected, disappointed, or disheartened. I am here for you—always ready with my free advice.

Begin your holidays with a bang by reminding your husband of all his past offenses. How he had treated you on that specific day of that eventful year. How he never speaks in your support in front of his parents. In rare cases, if he has been a good husband all along, you can remind him of the hurt caused by his family members. The purpose is to make him so remorseful that he remains obliged to you all the time and acts in accordance with your wishes.

After this initiation ceremony, you are ready to carry out the following strategies. It’s not necessary to follow all of them—remember one foot cannot wear all the shoes.


The husband watching TV
1. You can keep him busy by continuously playing movies for him at your home theater, or on TV, or Internet. If he likes action movies, make him watch chick flicks. If he likes chick flicks, make him watch horror movies. This way you will help develop his personality from one-dimensional to multi-dimensional.
Economic viability: This is a low-budget option. You can subscribe to Netflix for one-month free trial.

The husband
after a shopping trip.
2. If he is outgoing type, hand him all the ongoing sale catalogues marked with the things that catch your fancy and send him shopping. When he brings home all that stuff, find faults and ask him to return quite a few of them. Holiday season being the sale season, this cycle can be pedaled quite smoothly.
Economic viability: Depends on how much unnecessary stuff you don’t want to keep.

The husband during
work out session
3. Keep picking on his sedentary lifestyle. Even if you yourself are overweight, keep on taking potshots at his potbelly and double chin. Compare him to his lean colleagues or to the hunks on TV. All your above-the-belt taunts will inspire him join a fitness center. The more time he spends in the gym, the better, but you will need to be careful and should check his clothes regularly for unfamiliar perfume.
Economic viability: The cost of joining a Gym is worth the health benefits. A healthy husband will bring home more wealth.

The husband in the kitchen
4. Engage him in the kitchen. For example, at teatime, put on a sweet smile then strike a pose like Munni and tell him, “Darling, let’s go to the kitchen,” as if you were going to offer him something that has been on his mind all the time. Once in the kitchen, you should lovingly ask him to hand you the tea pan, and then to put water, milk, tealeaves, ginger, and sugar in it. In no time, the tea would be ready, and in future, he will not even need your help. In this way, you can keep on training him, starting from the simple things like Maggi noodles etc. to the complicated ones like stuffed Karelas.

At this stage, you have to be extremely careful not to spell out the faults in his chefs-d'oeuvre. However unsavory the dish is, you have to eat it delightfully, gushing over its appearance, aroma, and taste, and showering on him sobriquets like, ‘Haldwani ke mane hue chef,’ meaning, ‘the acclaimed chef from Haldwani,' replacing Haldwani with your husband’s hometown.
Economic viability: Will save money on the cook. If your husband is more intelligent, educated, and creative than the cook, you will definitely enjoy the fruits of your labor. Highly recommended.

The husband with his tools
5. If he likes doing odd jobs around the house, create a handful of them by sabotaging on the sly. He will then get busy fixing the fault-induced electric appliances, plumbing, or painting the walls etc. Let him do the chores according to his capabilities. Do not panic. Later, at the end of the holiday season, you can employ a real handyman and get everything in order.
Economic viability: This one is the most expensive method. Your bills could run in thousands of dollars, but it’s worth trying on a smaller scale.

That’s all for now. Enjoy your holidays.

Related Post: The Grist Mill Manual For Housekeeping 
Pictures Courtesy Chumpy's Clip Art

24 comments:

  1. This isn't fair. Keeping husbands busy for your own leisures. Evil, evil. I wonder what husbands have to say on this post. :P

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  2. Reminds me of an article 'How I tamed my husband' from Reader's Digest. It is all about being a good trainer and then marrying and retaining the trainee..... :P

    Loved the post.

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  3. err so no sex? thats bad for any husbands...

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  4. Great tips...lol.
    I doubt if anything or anyone can send my husband in the kitchen..The third and the fifth one might work only if done in a very subtle manner.

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  5. Prateek and Mithun: Only married people can understand this post completely.

    Kamikaze, "It's all about being a good trainer"...I wonder why women complain about their husbands all the time.

    Alka, whatever suits you! And yes you need to be subtle!

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  6. I am still a single, yet I know what this is all about :p Here is what I am going to do: I am going to change the 'husband' with 'girl' and tweak some of the pranks for my benefit ;p Thank you Giri!

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  7. Hey,
    Why not plan outings and fun with him?
    After all its the best way to enjoy togetherness :)

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  8. @Debby: You are welcome :-)

    @W: Great advice! Will give it a try next time and then update here.

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  9. Anything to get him off my back! And ROFL @ ‘Haldwani ke mane hue chef'

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  10. HA, I will not do any of these things while on holidays and I say this with my wife's permission.

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  11. Purba: Don't forget to replace Haldwani :-)
    BKC: I need to learn more from Madam Chowla!

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  12. LOL this is some classic Grist Mill stuff! :D

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  13. Wiiiiiiiiiicked :)
    Loved allllllllllllllllll the 'tricks' :D

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  14. I will definitely apply these trick.... will give you actual results . Anchal

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  15. Sammy, S, and Anchal, thanks :-)

    Naren, So nice to see you and that too without the daku get up.

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  16. Well... i am married but still getting to terms with how a woman's mind can work... This post is some insight. Now i can work on some Coutner measures...

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  17. @sm: thanks :-)
    @K.C.: Even Gods can't understand how a woman's mind works...

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  18. In the 4th point when you mention Munni, do you mean Munni from 'Munni badnam hui'?

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  19. @IHM: Yes, you got it right! The song was quite a rage last year when I wrote this :D

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  20. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HT1NucP6c

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