A Disaster Not Yet Averted

Monday, June 25, 2012

A few months ago, something terrible happened. It was bound to happen. Looking back, I can tell that it occurred only because of my complacency. I was sitting on my bed in the safety of my home with a laptop, reading other blogs and anointing them with my expert comments, when I realized that my overgrown nails were causing some impediment while typing.

People think that mishaps occur only when they venture out of their homes. This is not true. To get in the way of harm, you don’t have to go to Iraq, Afghanistan, or Syria, or play in traffic, or swim in shark-infested water. Calamity could strike you even inside your home. In fact, toilet injuries are far more common than shark attacks. According to a report, last year 75 people had suffered from shark bites all over the world, against 40,000 toilet related injuries. People even drown in bathtubs and buckets.

(Courtesy picturesof.net)
So, I was sitting on my bed with a laptop, reading and commenting on blogs, and as always being home alone, my subconscious was filled with anxiety and a vague fear of some unknown catastrophe, like alien attack, or the earth straying away from its orbit and getting lost in the space, not to talk about the fear of smaller hazards, like fire, earthquake, flood, or armed robbery. Many times I come across stories of home invasion by bears, snakes, cockroaches, or mosquitoes, and they also stay in the back of my mind.

I was fortunate that there weren’t any thunderstorm, tornado or tsunami warning that day. But accidents usually occur without warnings. The weatherman will never tell you that an airplane is going to crash over your house.

And that day, my biggest fear came true. As I mentioned earlier, I was sitting on my bed with a laptop, reading and commenting on blogs when I realized it was time to clip my nails.

Now, reading other blogs and online magazines is what I do when I suffer from anxieties in general. I have realized that reading literary magazines is a sheer waste of time. First, the writers there only try to show off their highbrowism. Second, whatever pleasure you get while reading a magnificent article or a story turns sour when you realize how subpar your own writing abilities are compared to them. I don’t know about you, but I get depressed. On the contrary, reading blogs written by normal people like your own self, gives you immense gratification. If a post is well-written, it is a boon, and if it is shoddy, incoherent, top-of-the-head garbage, it is a mega boon, as it makes you feel even better and boosts your self-esteem.

Thus, I was trying to boost my self-esteem, when I realized I needed to clip my fingernails. I pulled out a magazine, which happened to be the latest issue of the Time Magazine, to collect the clippings and started to shape my nails. I had planned to clip only fingernails because toenails are better done after a shower. Which reminds me that a few years ago, I had fractured my pinky toe by smashing it against a leg of a coffee table. I will write about it next time because this post has already crossed its word limit and I haven’t told you about the accident yet.

So I started to clip my nails and collect them on the magazine. At such times, I usually pity the person featured on the cover. I really felt bad putting my nail clips on an eminent person’s face. I wonder what other abuses such pictures suffer all around the world.

I had successfully shaped three of the nails on my left hand, and was working on the fourth one, when a big clipping unpredictably flew away in unknown direction. I tried to find it around me, but all in vain. I was horrified. Not that I hadn’t lost nail clippings in the past, but on each occasion I had been able to find them. With extreme caution, I clipped the others nails, before I began my full-fledged search operation. I switched on all the lights, drew the window curtains aside, and then looked below the pillows and cushions and explored every fold of the blanket, comforter, and bed sheet. I even prayed for some miracle to happen, and kept on counting the clippings again and again. They still remained only nine. The fourth one had disappeared just as Osama bin-Laden had vanished before he was killed in Abbottabad. The nail clipping keeps me worried even today. I fear it might be hiding somewhere, looking for an opportunity to attack.

One day I even dreamt that the truant clipping had entered my body and had started growing and multiplying.

These days, whenever I have a pain or an ache--dull or sharp--anywhere in my body, I suspect it to be the handiwork of the clipping and its clones. I have consulted many general physicians as well as specialists. They have made me go through all sorts of tests--from x-ray to ultrasound to MRI to CT scan and many more, but none of these tests could locate the culprit. Now my doctor has prescribed an antidepressant, which she believes might dissolve the clipping or clippings even if they were in my head.

I shared this personal story only to warn you that disasters lurk inside our homes too. Therefore, be careful all the time, be very careful.

34 comments:

  1. Sangeeta NainwalJune 25, 2012 at 9:27 PM

    Thank God I know my picture will not be on any eminent magazine...But you better beware...danger is lurking just in the corners of your bloggabilities (i JUST COINED IT HEHEHE)

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    1. Gosh...you have given me one more reason to worry!!!

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  2. You are bang on about literary magazines and their writers. If you ever feel depressed about your writing skills, you are welcome to feel happy by visiting my blog ;P. And about the nail, much ado about everything as my tagline goes. You see the point about showing off your own wares in this comment ;-). To tell you the truth, I am pretty hyper person myself. I make mountains out of molehills.

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    1. Oh yes, much ado about everything. We are the doers :D

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  3. Be afraid. Be very afraid. That is, if you are reading Giribala! You never know when it is your turn to get ground in that Mill! you are the mostest fanatbulousest* humour writer out there!

    *The phrase is © copyrighted to U. S. Pandey. Don't you get ideas!

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    1. ha ha ....thanks for the caveat. I was about to steal that phrase :D

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  4. You are an excellent writer,your post made my day today..amazing,keep writing :) just woow!
    Check my blog too on my travel and personal diaries:
    http://www.ankionthemove.com/

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    1. Thanks Ankita! Will surely check it out :-))

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  5. Now you have gone & conjoined humor with suspense--what next?BTW whenever you are gloomy just read Giribala-she is good.

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    1. As you are someone who understands human nature so well, I should certainly follow your advice :-)

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  6. There is an old belief that one must never clip one's nails after sunset.

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    1. It could be because there was no electricity in old days....

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    2. it was very nicely written. Also the feeling of comparison of own writing skill with others is very well traced. The way/method (writing the same on a paper/blog), we can release our mental anxiety/tension and give wings to our imagination. Imagination: very creative, appreciate. {There was no electricity but light was there in other form, i assume so.} i like and think many have it "my subconscious was filled with anxiety and a vague fear of some unknown catastrophe...." I think: Hazards are H A Z A R D S. They can be quantify as big or small., earthquake, fire, home invasion," but aks them who faced it how big it was.
      cheers

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    3. Thank you Sanjeev Nawani for such a detailed analysis!! You are right even smaller hazards are no less for those who are affected by them!

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  7. Although the nail clip did not appear in any scan , the probability of it appearing as a big scissor hand in future should not be ruled out Giribala!

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    1. Exactly! I am sure it has already grown into a scythe :-/

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  8. Scary nail tale.Studies shows that(I think I read it in a blog ) the clippings with weird nail art are much easily traceable than the regular ones. Go for nail art. Hair behave better in comparision,no matter how they are treated, they tend to reappear on our dinner plates without much effort.

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    1. I did have weird red color on my nails that day!!!

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  9. Each time I clip my nails now I will think of this post...:)

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  10. The clipping has gone into the neighborhood to gather an army. Soon you'll have nail clippings walking "Imhotep" "Imhotep" ... towards your house and they will enter through every gap, corner (and your mail too) and one fine morning, you wake up in bed, lift your bed sheet and go "Aaah AAaaaaaa!!! a la The Godfather!

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    1. OMG....it could happen! I will collect my clippings and teach them to fight the invading army. Tough job ahead. Thanks for the heads-up!!!

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  11. It was great knowing you, Giribala! We can't be certain of what your future holds any more - who knows what that errant nail clipping is up to!

    Great read! And pray, why have you stopped stopping by my blog? I have missed your notes of appreciation! You must read it regularly and get your desired dose of self esteem boost!

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    1. Nice knowing you too! I never stopped reading your blog.... in fact, I have not started yet! Going to visit right away :-)

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  12. I think you just found the missing nail! It has grown into a toadstool on the blog you have stopped visiting. But the trouble is, you may find a jungle of toadstools there. Which one is yours?

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  13. I hope you threw the rest of the clippings OUT of the house. I heard it brings bad luck otherwise;)

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    1. I guess the lost clipping is bringing all the bad luck :-/

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  14. I actually read it twice to see how you have extrapolated the story of a silly finger nail.. :)

    Smashing :D

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  15. Oh shit!!!! how come you had made this extrapolating story on such an issue like fingernail.

    gosh! you better deserve opposition, (til ka tad, rai ka pahad)

    Also, after reading this, my ever-boasting stubborn mind was little depressed about the "comparison".

    I thought "How come this girl write this crap (yes, my mind says crap to everything which not belongs to me) this beautifully.

    You are most invited to visit my blog to boost your confidence and make an "expert" comment

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  16. When I was a kid I used to worry about the gas cylinder in my home exploding (had several nightmares). Also while travelling in a bus, I would worry myself sick over the possibility of one of the hills in the nearby landscape turning out to be a volcano and explode when my bus nears it! But as you say, disasters lurk inside our homes, I hold the honour of being locked from INSIDE a room in my house 3 times! Everytime the lock had to be broken :P sometimes disasters lurk inside one's home, sometimes one is a walking source of disaster!

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  17. Did you know that birds swallow cut nails (thinking it is a rice grain) and die of internal injury? So it is important that people do not throw cut nails in open. I would like to bring this to the notice of readers and ensure that in future people dispose nails properly.

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